:: Intra Meus Muros ::

Estoy enamorado ...

2008-01-31T17:53:00.000+08:00

Estoy enamorado.

Caridad (Amor)

Si yo hablase lenguas humanas y angélicas, y no tengo caridad, vengo á ser como metal que resuena, ó címbalo que retiñe.

Y si tuviese profecía, y entendiese todos los misterios y toda ciencia; y si tuviese toda la fe, de tal manera que traspasase los montes, y no tengo caridad, nada soy.

Y si repartiese toda mi hacienda para dar de comer a pobres, y si entregase mi cuerpo para ser quemado, y no tengo caridad, de nada me sirve.

La caridad es sufrida, es benigna;

la caridad no tiene envidia, la caridad no hace sinrazón, no se ensancha;

No es injuriosa, no busca lo suyo, no se irrita, no piensa el mal;

No se huelga de la injusticia, mas se huelga de la verdad;

Todo lo sufre, todo lo cree, todo lo espera, todo lo soporta.

La caridad nunca deja de ser.

1 Corintios 13:1-8

Intra Meus Muros Chronicles (Part 2)

2007-11-18T03:08:00.000+08:00

Pain, pleasure, sadness, joy, fear, courage, hope, disappointment.

What do these things have in common? Two things: (1) they are feelings, and (2) people allow themselves to feel them.

"People who parade their hearts proudly on their shoulders are fools" (adapted from Severus Snape's statement in Harry Potter & the Order of the Phoenix) .

Indeed, they are. I should know - I used to be one of them. From this statement of mine, there will surely be protests from the same people I have mentioned so callously just now. But before these people should further act as such, let me try to salvage the stubborn mules from the deepest pits of ignorance from whence they came by means of defending the claims I have made above.

The word "fool" should not be taken as a degradatory term, for it is an opportunity for the person who is labelled as such to make amends for their shortcomings, to try to prove to themselves that they are not so, and to be strong. Basically, only people who admit to themselves that they are indeed fools can learn. If one thinks that they are already well-versed in a particular subject matter, that they have already filled their egotistically-swollen heads to the limits of their capacity, how can they learn? This is from an old Zen philosophy which was demonstrated by the master to his disciple. The master, after handing a cup to his disciple, started filling it with water and continued doing so until it eventually overflowed. The disciple then said: "Master, please stop, the cup is full." The master replied: "How can I teach you if you are already so full of knowledge?"

Carrying one's heart one their shoulders is not a bad thing. If you are fond of doing things in excess, that is. Indeed, one should have a heart, but one should know when to use it and where to place it, not perched so precariously on one's shoulders, where you will be vulnerable. Parading it around is most foolhardy - I learned that the hard way.

How about the "feelings"? Well, people have been advised since time immemorial to control their feelings. Yet simply knowing this "fact" (let us call it that for the time being) doesn't necessarily mean that the knower would be able to penetrate the "truth" behind it (hats off to Cratylus, George Berkeley and Confucius). One has to really experience it in order to know it. The unruly beast that we call the heart should be tamed, it should be taught when to feel things. Exempli gratia (or for the sake of giving examples):

Pain - one would not feel it if they do not allow themselves to do so. Yet, what they say about not knowing how to feel pleasure without feeling pain is also true: one would not be able to appreciate pleasure without pain, and vice versa. Indeed, this principle comes from none other than Eleanor Roosevelt, who stated that "no one will make you fear inferior without your consent".
The same goes for fear and courage, and sadness and joy.
One more example worth listing down: hope and disappointment. If one does not expect or hope for anything, one will never be disappointed by anything.

By the examples I have given above, I have demonstrated one of the reasons why apathetic people are as such. They are logical people, who use only their minds. Right now, I find this path most appealing, and plan to be one of them. Yet, I also know deep down that this chapter of my life, when I choose to be indifferent and apathetic, will come to pass one day. That will be the day when I finally learn the bitter lesson of going into that "excess" (of being completely indifferent).

Do we really have to go into both extremes in order to learn to take something in moderation?

An interesting question. But one which will have to wait.

(to be continued)

Mi primero bóletin en español

2007-11-07T16:07:00.000+08:00

¿Familia? Yo amo mi familia. Mis padres, que sacrifican todos a favor de nosotros, sus hijos. Mis hermanas mayores, que me aman incondicionalmente. Y mi hermano menor, que me adora. Todos los dias, yo agradezco a Dios para ellos. No puedo pedir más de Dios.

¿Amigos? Creo que sólo tengo a uno de aquellos . . . Se llama Cheenee Cruz. Los demás, ellos todos son sólo conocidos, nada más. Estos "conocidos" no tienen un lugar en mi corazón y por lo tanto, ellos no pueden hacer daño a mí. Yo solía pensar que ellos eran mis amigos, pero me equivoqué.

¿Amor? No tengo nadie para amar. ¡No sé por qué soy siempre soltero! (¡Jejeje!) ¿Quizá es porque soy feo? ¿O es porque soy una mala persona? No sé, no sé, no sé . . . Ahora, todavía estoy esperando por él. Todavía . . .

¿Y yo? ¡Ahora tengo mucha hambre!

¡Hasta luego!

Questions

2007-10-29T05:48:00.000+08:00

Conversations with fellow chatters has led me to ask unsettling questions.

What is that "beauty" that I am searching for in another person?
Who am I to change such large institutions whereby people like myself are not welcome?
When will I find someone who'll be my equal, my partner, my friend and my lover? Will I ever find them?

After pondering on such questions, I came to a realization that the answers to different questions come at different times, while some of them are never answered at all. What is good is that we dare to ask questions at all; that we question not only others but ourselves as well, because we know that the answers are not what we want them to be.

Conspiracy and Connivance

2007-09-24T14:35:00.000+08:00

This is a hoot... Here I am, happily viewing the profile of some guy who's currently near my walls, and there he is. Mr Old Flame. Sitting a foot away from me, 45 degrees to the right.

Yes, Fate is indeed a fickle friend. Or is this all just a matter of chance and not Fate? Perhaps there is no Conspiracy and Connivance after all . . . Maybe it's all just a matter of opportune moments. Maybe, it's all a figment of my wild imagination.

Well . . . whatever it is, he's still sitting there.

Intra Meus Muros

2007-09-21T18:58:00.000+08:00

"Within my walls"

Yes . . . after watching an episode of Desperate Housewives, i realized that it's time for me to start building walls around myself. This realization came after I did some thinking: too many times have i roamed around exposing my heart and soul to some unworthy fellow and too many times have I played with fire and got burned - every time defenceless.

Indeed, I have come to realize that I have walked into the lion's den without any defences, but through no fault of others but myself.

And yesterday marked the day when my walls were put the test; an old flame that remained painfully smouldering in my heart, its embers still gnawing slowly into the deep recesses of my mind, heart and soul was rekindled anew. An old flame that burned and still burns me painfully. How heartless he was! Knowing fully well that I am trying desperately to smother the flame, he still spoke to me as though what had happened had been naught but a unceremonious "See you around ... " How callous was his disregard for my feelings...

Those eyes . . . Those eyes that looked at me with such mischief! How can such a thing of beauty be so terrible and inflict such immeasurable grief??

Would my walls be like wood, torched cruelly to the ground and my soul contained within consumed by this flame? Or would my walls be like stone; unrelenting and steadfast - burned, yes, but nevertheless still standing.

Intra Meus Muros. Within My Walls. (to be continued)

Third year na ko!

2007-06-14T15:29:00.000+08:00

BWAHAHAHAHAHHA!!!!

THIRD YEAR NA KO! hehe! seems like only yesterday that i attended my first class in UST. hehe!

Anyway, i gotta get serious now! :-o

Hehe... the main reason why i posted this was because of all the guys i met since my return here to the Philippines, only the Great Baldy and the Philosopher still crosses my mind.

Funniest thing is, i've gotten so used to being single, i get scared of the though of entering a new relationship, except with those two, of course. Hehehe!

I miss them. They both seem so near yet they're more distant than barely-remembered dreams :-(

Thank you for reading :-)

Whoa!!! This is something else!!!

2007-03-05T17:22:00.000+08:00

Dig my horoscope for today:

"A certain person you're counting on may turn out to be flaky. Don't worry, though -- it's just temporary. Figure things out on your own, and they'll come through for you later on when you need help. "

I was counting on 'ol Baldy Boy all day for support and assurance, but didn't really get any... Hmmm... Do YOU think this'll come true??

:: ... oVeR aNd oUt ... ::

What a coincidence...

2007-02-26T04:04:00.000+08:00

Look at my horoscope for today:

"Dear Melquiades,
Here is your single's love horoscope for Monday, February 26:
=> All your senses are working overtime now, including a certain sixth sense about romantic matters. You might feel a bit vulnerable, but you've also got an intense emotional intelligence."

Strange... That's how i've been feeling all day and night of the 25th... The thing is, this horoscope sends the emails a day in advance, so today I receive my horoscope for tomorrow, etc.

Strange... =)

:: ... oVeR aNd oUt ... ::

Ash Wednesday

2007-02-22T10:34:00.000+08:00

My tummy hurts =(

Anyway, yesterday was Ash Wednesday. I nearly forgot, but luckily, I ran into Mich in the lobby of St. Raymund's Building (where she pulled me for a quick photo for her (or was it her friend's)magazine) after watching the play "PARA" (which, i would say, had a much more satisfactory ending than their previous offering, "Encadre"). She (Mich), told me that there would be a Mass in front of the Main Building at 5:15pm, and as i looked into my watch, i saw that it was just 5pm (lucky, lucky).

I went to plaza in front of the Main Building, and, after some hesitation and second thoughts, decided not to leave (i waited for 20 minutes). By God's grace, I was not disappointed, and was actually glad that i didn't skive off (hehe!). And so, i attended Mass.

The exact phrase that stuck to my mind during the First Reading was this: "The Lord ... is slow to anger, rich in kindness and relenting in punishment". This got me all teary-eyed. And the Gospel talked about the hypocrisy of some people who do religious deeds just to be applauded. The main celebrant (i don't know who he is) gave a really good Homily. He talked about the three things that we as Catholic Christians should do during this holy season of Lent: (or "Quaresma" in Filipino/Spanish. I was really amused when I was musing about what the word "Lent" was in Filipino (during the Mass) when the priest said it... hehe! i've heard of the word being used in ABS-CBN, but i didn't know what it really meant and forgot to ask around)

Prayer
Alms-giving
Fasting

Anyway, i was really glad i went to Mass =P

Yesterday morning, i decided to get some load (P35) and passed some on to The Great Baldy (or Ang Dakilang Kalbo) without him asking for it. I just felt like it. I don't know why. I felt that if I wanted to do it, then i should, and i did. I had my own doubts about doing that, like whether or not i gave him some load just so he could text me. But i realized that this was not so. I decided that this was because i wanted to show him (and myself) that i can give him some load without him asking (and also a gesture of affection. Hehe!) I also decided that I'll only feel as if I'm letting myself get "cheap" or "used" ONLY if I allowed myself to do so. And that i won't do. =p

If he decided that he can't carry on with me, i'll understand. Like ***, he was first and foremost, my friend =)

Oh yeah... as I was on the jeep home last night, the traffic situation got so bad along Sauyo Road all the way to Holy Cross Memorial Park (my stop) that I got off the still jeep and walked a kilometre and half (I THINK). But it wasn't all that bad, I felt that it wasn't that far because there were lots of vehicles all caught up in the traffic that the walk wasn't at all boring.

Hmmm... about fasting... i thought of how i would fast... but i don't think i'll be able to keep it up.

:: ... oVeR aNd oUt ... ::

* Naku! San kaya puede magpa-load?? Hehe! Joke! =P *

HOY KALBO!!!! >=P

2007-02-08T01:06:00.000+08:00

NAKAKAINIS yung KALBONG iyon!!!!

"Grrrr.... Hoy Kalbo!!! Nakakainis ka! Nag-load ka na pala, 'di mo ko kagad tinetext! Alam mo, yan ang razon kung bakit ako nagagalit kapag nagttxt ka na kapag akala kong wala kang load. AY!!! Onga pala! 'Di naman nga pala tayo, at sino nga naman ako sa buhay mo?? WALA.

HOY KALBO!!! Tulad ng sabi nung kaibigan ko, "'Wag kang mag-inarte dyan ha!" KAKAINIS KA!!!! GRRRR!! >=P

HOY KALBO!!! Bahala ka na nga! HMPH! Alam mo ba yung binili kong towel galing sa Bench para sa kaarawan mo, pinamigay ko na?? BWAHAHAHA!!! Akala mo ha... =P At LAHAT ng text mo sa 'kin simula nang magkakilala tayo ay binura ko na?? BWAHAHAHA!!!! ulet! (ok... aaminin ko, nasa computer AT flash disk ko pa sila, pero kahit na... 'di ko naman na makikita pa kapag binubuksan ko mga folders ko! BWAHAHAHA!!!!)

HOY KALBO!!! 'Di lang ikaw ang lalake dito sa Pilipinas ha! (siyempre, Pinoy LAANG ang gusto ko! Kaya WALA na akong pakialam sa mga leche at lintik na mga banyagang iyan! BWAHAHAHA!) AT isa pa, marami pa dyan'g iba na nagbibigay ng atensyon sa 'kin, na kapag nagpaload na, AKO kagad ang tinetxt (tulad ni Mark).

HOY KALBO!!! Umayos ka dyan ha... lagi kitang tinetext (nuong naga-unlimited pa 'ko at kahit ngayong hindi na!) at tinatawagan ha! >=P MAHAL ang load! At 'di iiral sa 'kin 'yang mga palusot mong "'E wala talaga akong load e...", "E deadspot sa kwarto 'ko e...". Hoy Kalbo! "Kapag gusto, maraming paraan. Kapag ayaw, maraming dahilan"! Taga-DLSU ka nga at sa Starbucks ka tumatambay at sa The Peninsula ka kumakain, wala kang load?? Hoy Kalbo! 'Wag kang mag-inarte dyan ha!!!

HOY KALBO!!! Alam mo ba na APAT na ORAS kita inantay nuong Paskuhan?? Salamat talaga na naandoon si na Kesca at Monica ha... >=P NAKAKAINIS KA TALAGA!!! At NAKALIMUTAN mo pa "date" natin na kay tagal kong inintay, at natandaan mo lang nung pauwi ka na ulet ng Cavite galing Mandaluyong! Hoy Kalbo! Umayos ka dyan ha!!!

HOY KALBO!!! Kapag pinapasahan kita ng load, konte lang! Kase HINDING-HINDI ako papayag na maging "Sugar Honey" mo 'ko! BWAHAHAHA! Kaya kapag humihingi ka at wala akong load, P5 - P10 lang ang pinapasa ko sa 'yo! BWAHAHAHAHA! Ano akala mo sa 'kin, ungag?? BWAHAHAHAHA!!! Baka iba lang tinetext mo dun. HOY!!! Umayos ka dyan ha!

HOY KALBO!!! Kung may iba kang gusto, SABIHIN mo na sana! Hmmm... pero "feel" ko naman na may gusto ka din 'ata sa 'kin. YATA.

HOY KALBO!!! Baka akala mo ha... IKAW ang lagi kong gustong yakapin ha, kaya lagi ka dapat mabango, tulad nung APAT na oras kang late nung Paskuhan.

HOY KALBO!!! 'Wag mo kang napaka-romantiko na sinusubuan mo pa ko nung Ice Monster na binili ko para sa 'yo ha! (ok lang 'yun.. ako naman nag-imbita sa 'yo, kaya ako yung "host" at ikaw yung "guest", pero 'wag na 'wag kang aasang maging Sugar Honey mo ko ha!!) Ayokong tuluyang mahulug ang damdamin ko sa 'yo ha! TANDAAN MO YAN!

HOY KALBO!!! Gustong-gusto kita (pero 'di pa seguro "mahal"). PERO mas mahal 'ko pa din ang sarili ko! Kaya kapag naunahan ka ng iba sa panahon na malaman mong gusto mo din pala ako, pasensya ka na lang!!!!

Kase ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...

Ikaw pa din ang pipiliin ko... (shet! 'Di ko alam kung aling Smiley ang gagamitin ko!!! Nakatawa ba or malungkot?? HAHA!)"

Ang iyong nag-iisang:

"Batang Tampururot"

The Green Monster

2007-01-18T17:41:00.000+08:00

Ok... before anything else, let me just say that it's really been A WHILE since i last blogged. Blimey!

Moving along... let me start by saying that the "Green Monster" here refers to the "envy", and that's the emotion I've been feeling for quite some time now. Sigh...

I know I shouldn't be sooooooo jealous, but I just can't help it!!!

Sigh... but there's one thing i'm practising now, and that's "living the moment". I don't live in the future nor in the past anymore =) hehehe! And that, I can safely say, has given me this ability to give my all for the "now", rather than the "will be" and the "what was" =)

:: ... oVeR aNd oUt ... ::

The Well of Unshed Tears

2006-09-15T17:53:00.000+08:00

When a person you love dies, your first reaction is to cry. Cry piteously. That is good. It is part of accepting that the person has passed. That is why there is a period of mourning. To contemplate on what has happened and to come into terms with it. And that is also why they conduct a wake, so that people could come and see for themselves that the person has indeed passed away.

But I... I have not mourned. I have not grieved. I had no "corpse" (of our friendly relationship) to mourn and grieve over. And as a result, i have not fully accepted that he is gone from my life, never to return. No proper discussion over what happened between us. No parting words. Just, "Tigilan mu n nga iyan. . . naaawa ako sau". Boy, that smarts.

It may the reason why everytime i think about what happened that fateful night, my vision is blurred by tears. But they won't fall. No. I have shed not one tear for him. Not a single one. Everytime i come close to actually breaking down in tears, a great feeling of despair, regret, sadness, and hopelessness engulfs me, and it leaves me feeling like a child in a body of a nineteen-year-old, a child who has been left stranded, alone and afraid in the middle of nowhere by someone he loved dearly, and because of the child in him, he desires to weep and thrash about. Unfortunately enough though, the nineteen-year-old body won't allow the child in him to overcome his being.

There is one thing much worse than having to cry over something, and that is having something to cry over and you can't do so.

Tears, instead of falling into the earth, washing away your sorrows, and instead of wiping your soul clean and ridding it of all that is undesirable, are held back within you and waters your heart, polluted with feelings of anger, hatred, sorrow and despair, letting those emotions flourish more easily. And this is what i am going through right now.

Tears, MY tears, should have been shed three months ago.

When will i finally release them? Am i just afraid that if i do so, it will make it final that he will never come back again? Am i just fearful of the fact that if i do so, i will have to bury all the memories i made with him, along with our friendship? God. OUR friendship. Is it dead already?

I need to make my peace with my memories of him. There's no good to reminisce over times you shared with another that probably mean nothing to them.

But necessity and desire often oppose each other. And i know that deep down in my heart, i am still wishing that he will come back to me.

So is this never going to end?

And is this how my life is going to be? A well of unshed tears?

:: ... oVeR aNd oUt ... ::

Update!

2006-07-28T16:50:00.000+08:00

Hehe! It's been over two months, eh? Anyway, not much has happened (except a ruined friendship with someone I really care for). Oh well... What to do? Shit happens, as the saying goes. The best thing is, I have learned a lot from my past experiences with this kind of things and I am finally able to keep a smiling face despite all that has happened. Thanks to Plato and some other philosophers. (And come to think of that, thanks to my Philosophy of the Human Person and Logic professors... The compilation they made together was REALLY good... And thanks to my PHL5 (Moral Ethics/Theology) professor as well. He's really good! And philosophy, as for now, keeps my mind off unpleasant things.)

Anyway, I'm ALMOST a full member of the Thomasian Debaters' Council, so I need to train hard if I were to represent the Pontifical, the Royal and the Catholic University of the Philippines (and smoke-free! Bad trip!) hehe!

Totoo pala na kapag mahal mo talaga ang isang tao, at hindi ka lang obsessed na "maging-kayo", ang gugustohin mo ay ang kabutihan at ang kasayahan nung taong yun, at kahit masakit na hindi naging kayo (pagkatapos manood ng cine. HAHA! joke Lng un! mwahahaha! actually, half-joke... long story, and one I don't wanna blog about. Not that they know I have a blog. But still... Only two people so far knows who "they" are, and I want it to stay that way), sasaya ka na din dahil masaya sya. Sasaya ka na din na masaya sya na kapiling ang iba.

I can't help but smile. Haha! Especially when I see that certain bus line. Haha! (only Paige and RC knows that. Haha!)

:: ... oVeR aNd oUt ... ::

Untitled #2

2006-05-19T00:42:00.000+08:00

Hehehe! Aika tagged me some time ago, so I'm "It"! Here goes...

Four jobs you have had in your life:
1. Student
2. (Music) performer
3. Parish office assistant
4. Palamunin ng mga magulang ko (hehe!)

Four movies you would watch over and over:
1. Kill Bill (Vol. 1)
2. Memoirs of a Geisha
3. Mean Girls
4. John Q.

Four places you have lived in:
1. Lobo, Batangas
2. Kg. Beruang, Brunei
3. B. Seri Begawan, Brunei
4. Tondo, Manila

Four TV shows you love watching:
1. Pinoy Big Brother
2. the news
3. most of what's shown in ABS-CBN's Primetime Bida (but NOT Panday! *shudders*)
4. ...

Four places you have been on vacation:
1. Miri, East Malaysia
2. Kota Kinabalu, East Malaysia
3. Batangas
4. HOME!!!

Four websites I visit daily:
1. http://www.wikipedia.org/
2. http://www.bbc.co.uk/
3. mail.yahoo.com
4. www.friendster.com

Four of my favorite foods:
1. Halo-halo
2. Adobo (Chicken!)
3. Andok's Chicken
4. Pampanga's Best longganisa, tosino AND hotdog =p

Four places I would rather be right now:
1. SM North Edsa
2. UST (I miss UST and my friends!!!)
3. Church of Our Lady of the Assumption, Brunei (Gosh... I miss our parish over there!!)
4. Anywhere with *****

Hehe... The last entry is about that second person in my life. GOSH! That person's soooo in Love with me! And I guess I am, too. Hahaha!

:: ... oVeR aNd oUt ... ::

Labour Day

2006-05-02T03:37:00.000+08:00

Contrary to the beliefs of the Malacañang and the PNP (which declared a full-alert status) that the Labour Day protests would erupt into an armed attempt to wrestle power from the President, the Labour Day protests were peaceful and surprisingly civilized.

The Philippine Presidential Palace, or the Malacañang, from personal observations, once more showed how paranoid they were that their political opponents would use the Labour Day protests as a front to orchestrate a coup d'etat. They were proved wrong when the Labour Day protests were as peaceful as can be, with not a single rock thrown at the riot police. Not only were the Labour Day protests peaceful in the capital, no problems were also reported from other parts of the country. And, like most peace-loving citizens of the Philipines, I applaud this as a visible sign that our country's democracy is on the right track to maturity (even as a self-proclaimed communist such as myself, I am nevertheless pleased that my dream of seeing our country prosper through a so-called "democracy" is finally being realized). Although I see the capitalist system and democracy as being highly inadequate systems of government as they dont provide equal opportunities for the masses, I am nevertheless proud of our country's progress, slow, yes, but still progressing.

Although the President has managed to stick to her seat in the Malacañang like velcro, I have my own doubts as to her legitimacy as Chief Executive of our glorious nation. The Malacañang's evasive attitude towards alleged election frauds are, of course, what aroused my suspicions (and the suspicions of many other Filipinos) regarding Mdm. Arroyo's right to be President of the Fifth Philippine Republic.

Hopefully, the dark cloud that looms over the politics of our country will be dispersed with prayer and light will eventually shine over our nation.

Mabuhay tayong lahat. Mabuhay ang PILIPINAS!

Untitled

2006-04-26T03:20:00.000+08:00

The TV show I've been waiting for is now finally being aired on ABS-CBN. I like some of the housemates (don't wanna mention which ones, though...)

Anyway, there was another person who came into my life. But we're having some problems lately, but the impression this person has made on me is that they are one who're quite mature, and one who really likes me. Hmmm... I wonder why.

Btw... for anti-CPR (Calibrated Pre-emptive Response, NOT the first-aid procedure) people out there, the Supreme Court ruled that it is unconstitutional, saying that this CPR encroaches on the freedom of the people. There is a possibility that the Malacañang is going to appeal the ruling.

Furthermore, there was a report that some are trying to seize the allegedly ill-gotten wealth of the Marcoses for the government. Apparently, the said fortune is enough to repay all the foreign debts of the country. Although, one may wonder if the wealth, if it is ever awarded to the government, will be used for the public's interest or it will just go into the pockets of some rotten politicians.

I like that guy. It's just that I'm not sure if I love him. He seems to be cautious not get hurt again. But hey... doesn't everyone else who's had a past relationship before?

:: ... oVeR aNd oUt ... ::

SUMMER NA!!

2006-04-15T03:31:00.000+08:00

Whew! Been quite a while since I last posted an entry, eh?? Hehe! IT'S SUMMER!!!

Anyway... what happened during my absence? A LOT!!!

Applied for a summer job in some bogus (we think) company [JOB SCAM!!!], failed my Legal Management, but did a "special project" so I got a 3, my sister graduated from UST (BS-Nutrition), my parents came for my sister's graduation and were here for only 3 days (see how our parents love us?? hehe! I'm so lucky to have them!!!), went back to the province, saw my cousins, came back to Manila, swore never to return to the province after the HORRENDOUS journey back to Manila and also 'coz I realized I will NEVER like the life in the province!, came back REALLY worried I'd fail my Eco101 but got a 2.75, then took up my masteral in AB-Bum. Haha!

Gosh! I MISS UST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I miss you, my dear dear dear alma mater!!! And, OF COURSE, 1LM1 (hmm... hope we don't get re-shuffled... then we'll be 2LM1 already! GO 1LM1!!! Or is it 2LM1? what the heck!!! Whatever our section's called, we're still the greatest section in ALL AB! No!!! IN ALL UST!! HAHAHA! Nakaman!! HAHAHA!)

See you all in JUNE for enrolment!!!

:: ... oVeR aNd oUt ... ::

Long time, no blog...

2006-03-13T15:00:00.000+08:00

Omg... it's been FOREVER since i Last posted an entry!!

anyway... I graduated from ROTC on March 5, 2006 (Hip-hip-HURRAH!!!) hehe!

Hmm... So much has happened, and I don't feeL Like writing them aLL down.

ALL i can say is, there was another guy and yep! You got it right! I'm disappointed again. Hehe! But i'm not as disappointed as before =D thank goodness i've Learned to accept being turned down (the guy was straight! and he's a reaLLy reLigious individuaL... =s )

Anyway... finaLs are coming... and we have a quiz for Eco101 tomorrow.. shit... i'm reaLLy worried... heheh! God wiLL provide...

:: ... oVeR aNd oUt ... ::

Where has my blood gone??

2006-02-13T14:17:00.002+08:00

WAAAAHHHH! I feeL so WEAK!!! As in, mahina taLaga! Coz I gave 500 cc of my precious bLood yesterday for ROTC.

Hehe! anyway... Been Lobbying for my poLiticaL party SDP (Students' Democratic Party)... Hmm.... Notice something ironic here??

A Communist lobbying for Democracy! hahaha!

Anyway... I'm more of a defined or neo-communist anyway... More on the nationaList-sociaList side =D

Hmmmm.... maybe I shouLd form a new party in the FacuLty of Arts and Letters... hmmm... "The UST Communist Party" ... hehe! i LIKE that!!! JOKE! :

: ... oVeR aNd oUt ... ::

Freedom!

2006-02-01T10:51:00.000+08:00

Freedom from regrets.
Freedom from tears.
Freedom from guilt.
Freedom that'LL Last for years.

Freedom to Love
Freedom to BE
Freedom to see the worLd
without bigotry.

I wanna soar high
into the heavens and over the sea
I wanna be free

Free to be who I am
Free to be who I want to be
in other words... I just want to be...

FREE to be ME...

:: ... oVeR aNd oUt ... ::

S.t.Up.I.di.T.Y

2006-01-30T15:05:00.000+08:00

Shit. This incident happened aLmost a week ago (5 days to be exact) and I'm stiLL smarting over it.

The whoLe thing started when I started texting some guy from the drab weekLy "meetings" I was fooLish enough to sign up for. We started out just fine, and me, in my usuaL chatty seLf, feLL for him (fuck... I can't beLieve I'm writing this... but it'LL serve me right. Let the whoLe bLoody worLd know of my stupidity, that it's one of my fieLds of expertise which I have concentrated on over the Last eighteen years). OK... there I go again. Shit! He was quiet, undeniabLy cute, and pretty timid. Just what I Look for in a guy. Plus, he's shorter than I am, so that was another plus point. SIGH!!!!

So... I started texting him. Started off with quotes (ambiguous quotes, those which had a hidden meaning if you'd read between the Lines), then went on to fLirting (eg. "Ang cute ng pangaLan mo..." Ha-ha. Stupid, meL. SHEER stupidity), then graduaLLy went on to asking him out to Lunch.

But what the fuck was I to expect?? He was responding to my suggestions! He even texted me out of the bLue saying "Tampo knb?" after not having texted for a coupLe of days! SHIT! I feeL as if I wanna cry now.... SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT.

What eLse was I supposed to think??? Here he was, responding positiveLy to my overt fLirtations! What's more, when he commented on me being "maLandi" (in Modern AngLo-Saxon, fLirtatious), I repLied, "I'LL stop if you want me to..." and to which his repLy was: "Huh? Di noh... Gusto ko nga e! Wanna die if u stop?? Harharhar..."

Then, when our Lunch "date" was finaLLy reaLized, it turned out he had no interest in me. Fuck! "Kaya nga pumunta ako ngayon para sabihin ko sa 'yo na ayaw ko e. Wag ka na mag-text or makipagkita sa 'kin." Shit. That hurt. Ok, I was expecting a Lot. I even wanted to ask him if I couLd court him. Shit... and if you're Looking for another proof of my shameLess stupidity, I waited for him to finish his cLasses just so that we couLd go home together. And it turned out, he went home an hour earLier than scheduLed (cut cLass... *roLLs eyes*) and I waited three hours just to go home disappointed to the point of bursting out in tears.

Writing aLL of this down has given me a peace of mind that has eLuded me for the past few days. It's good I have an outLet to which I can Let it aLL out. (ok... my best friend Cheenee's there but somehow I want the whoLe bLoody worLd to know of my stupidity)

But... that's just about what makes meL a unique person. His stupidity, his zeaLous beLief in "the One who's meant for him", and his attempt to disguise his inner seLf with a proud and snobby face.

Read "With one fooL's head..."

:: ... oVeR aNd oUt ... ::

VICTIMIZED! (in more ways than one)

2006-01-27T12:01:00.000+08:00

Ok... my day was goin' reaLLy fine yesterday tiLL it was time to go home. As I was aLighting from the jeep which i took home, I was nearLy knocked down by a bicycLe! LuckiLy the guy managed to stop in time and I was spared of grievous injury. (Hmm... aLthough my hand did hurt where the bicycLe grazed it).

REASON: Coz I was Looking at the opposite Lane (which I was about to cross) and didn't Look at the Lane which I was standing on. Stupid, huh???

Then, when I took a tricycLe which took me to our subdivision, I was just haLf a metre away from a Lorry (truck, traiLer, etc) when I fooLishLy crossed the road.

REASON: Coz AGAIN I was Looking at the opposite Lane!! (funny, huh? You'd think that after a Life-threatening incident I'd be more carefuL, right? Uh-uh! That's not me! I was pretty wasted that day.)

Then! When I get home, and grabbed our REALLY timid hamster, it bit me!

REASON: The LittLe rat HATES being handLed! it, Like, tries to get away ALL the time. So you HAVE to hoLd on pretty tight... Guess I squeezed it too hard =S

Sigh... ANyway.... the finaL "victim-ization". Aika (and Later on, Moneh) victimized me! See beLow for detaiLs.

The tagged victim has to come up with 8 different descriptions of their perfect lover.
He/she needs to mention the sex/gender of their perfect lover.
He/she must tag 8 more people to join this game and leave a comment on their comments saying they've been tagged.
If tagged a second time, there's no need to post again.

Ok... this is REALLY interesting! Here goes!

He has to be appeaLing both physicaLLy and personaLity-wise.
He has to be someone who can Listen to me jabber on aLL the time, and occasionaLLy add in a few sentences of his own (this is when I'm in a chatty mood). Then, when I'm in the Listener-mode, he has to be abLe to jabber on about things that interests him (so I can know him better, di ba?).
He has to be someone who can accept me for who I am, and someone who can Let me accept me for who he is (yep... some ppL, Like, goes on and on about their fauLts and thinks that they're not worthy or that they're not handsome or whatever...).
He has to be someone who can respect my opinions shouLd they contradict his, but not change his opinions just for my sake.
He has to be shy, reserved and quiet, but not to the point where he can't stand up for himseLf. Or for me ;)
He has to have brains and the guts to use them.
He has to have the humiLity to acknowLedge his mistakes and the courage and strength to reconciLe with me as weLL as a forgiving nature.
FinaLLy, he has to be someone who'LL heLp me write one of the most romantic stories in history.

:: ... oVeR aNd oUt ... ::

"With one fool's head I came to woo, but I go away with two."

2006-01-25T14:29:00.000+08:00

"With one fool's head I came to woo,

But I go away with two."

Prince of Arragon,

Merchant of Venice (Act II, Scene 9)

William Shakespeare

I never knew, from the time I memorized this line after watching the Merchant of Venice (starring Al Pacino, Lynn Collins and Joseph Fiennes), that this very line would ever apply to any experience of mine.

Ironic how sometimes even the smallest thing you see on TV (or see, hear from anywhere else) would suddenly become applicable to an event in your life.

With a fool's head I indeed came to woo, and indeed, I depart, not with two, but with a million.

Hope no one's as stupid and as fucked up as myself =D

:: ... oVeR aNd oUt ... ::

Smoking my last cigarette

2006-01-20T11:55:00.000+08:00

My best friend, Cheenee, and I have just smoked our last stick of cigarette.

I KNOW, or rather, WE know that we're ALWAYS gonna be tempted to smoke again, what's more, there are cigarette vendors EVERYWHERE. And the aLLeys aLongside Dapitan Street have aLways been the main reason of our craving. Or rather, mine.

Stupid of me actuaLLy. Going off and started the vice of smoking just so I couLd hurt my ex-boyfriend. Yeah, I managed to get what I wanted. And the price, a pair of burnt and tar-fiLLed Lungs, with exorbitant amounts of nicotine in my body and worst of aLL, betrayaL of my parents' trust. Sigh... It's gonna be hard enough for them to accept that I'm gay and then I'm actuaLLy worsened the situation by smoking.

It turns out I did myseLf more harm than I did my ex-boyfriend. Never mind.

I have smoked my Last stick of cigarette.

:: ... oVeR aNd oUt ... ::

And so the Christmas season draws to an end

2006-01-06T12:43:00.000+08:00

How was my holidays?

Ask me.

Haha! joke! Anyway, picking up from where we left off, we had our 1LM1-1LM2 acquaintance-bonding party. I was, as usuaL, I was gracefuLLy Late. Waited tiLL my friend Andrea from Literature was picked up by her parents before I went off to the party.

Getting there, I was greeted by my 1LM1 friendships (Love ya guys!!!). Sat down and was aLmost immediateLy asked by my friend Gino if I wanted a drink. DUH! Of course I wanted some! So I opened meseLf a bottLe of San Mig Lite. And AWMYGAWD! That was when it got reaLLy interesting!

I washed down the food I ate over at the Paskuhan with the beer as if it was water! Haha! And then, I got meseLf a haLf-gLass of the brandy Amor brought. Hahaha! And then the ground started to seem as if it was doing the macarena. Shayt.... Ask me what eLse happened and I'LL be embarrassed enough to teLL you. Haha!

Anywayz, we went to MetroBar next. After paying the P250.00 entrance fee, I sat down and feLL asLeep, instead of watching MYMP beLting out their popuLar songs just a metre or so away. Of course, I was onLy haLf-asLeep. =D

Christmas was OK. So was New Year. But sigh... Imagine my hangover on the 21st. Heehee!

Oh yeah, read Harry Potter VI and the Da Vinci Code over the Christmas break too. Here are some of views on the Da Vinci Code:

It sucked
It sucked
It sucked
It sucked
It sucked BIG TIME.

OK. The story was fine. It was actuaLLy quite intriguing. But onLy an eyebrow-raiser at best. Why?? Here are some of the reasons why:

Who said that the CathoLic Church destroyed the feminine?? Halerr! Just LOOK around you. Everywhere, you see icons, statues, images of the Virgin Mary.
Where in the worLd did he get that idea of the Church demonizing sex?? Duh... The Church holds that sex is a sacred union of husband and wife and therefore must be treated with respect. Duh...

You'LL see that the book is highLy fictionaL =D

On the other hand, I greatLy enjoyed Harry Potter VI. Too bad good oLd DumbLedore had to die though... I don't think Snape couLd have avoided it anyway. He swore an UnbreakabLe Vow with Narcissa MaLfoy, and was therefore compeLLed to keep his vow. Hope DumbLedore understands =D

Can't wait to get my new LegMa jacket! Forever has gone by and I stiLL haven't gotten it yet. Hope I get it by tomorrow.

By the way, to aLL feLLow Communists out there, COMRADES!!! Read PLato's The RepubLic and books by Lenin, Marx and other communist Leaders.

LONG LIVE COMMUNISM!!

Friedrich Engels, Karl Marx and Vladimir Lenin

DEATH TO CAPITALISM!! [cHaRiNg! haha!]

Feliz Navidad a todos!

2005-12-20T12:27:00.000+08:00

That season is here once again! That season which inspires people to share their blessings, to reconcile with others, to show their love, to express their gratitude to others, to worship the One True God, and to do other things which proves to be not only difficult to do during the rest of the year but also things which we shy away from or which prove to be elusive.

Christmas is in the air and I'm so gonna breathe in a LOT of it later on coz yo's truLy is gonna be goin' to go to the Paskuhan later at 6 and then on to the 1LM1-1LM2 Christmas Party at Dapitan later =p My crush is gonna be there and I'm reaLLy hopin' I'm gonna be abLe to work my charms on him... Mwajajajajajajaja! =P

Catch'cha Later!

:: ... oVeR aNd oUt ... ::

A horrid week =(

2005-11-24T16:09:00.000+08:00

Waaaahhhhhh.....!!! I've had the WORST week in my whoLe stay here in the University of Santo Tomas! Waaaaahhhhhh....!!!!

Nothing much happened on Monday. It was an OK-day. But come the foLLowing day, the HORRORS started cavin' in! First, on Tuesday, our LegMa prof asked me to recite ("What are the parts of a statute?" To which I ABSOLUTELY had no answer to! I didn't even had an inkLing of what a bLoody statute is!!) And so, I started muttering incoherentLy. Sigh... And then, he asked me whether aLL parts of the statute must be present in a I-forget-what-the-rest-of-the-question-is. But on the bright side, I was the onLy one who answered "No" from the five of us merciLessLy (hehe! joke!) asked to recite. And it turned out to be the correct answer! I mean, OK... I admit! I guessed, weLL, just a LittLe bit (shut up, meL! hehe!) but haLLerrr....!!! You'd think he'd cut me some sLack, right?? AND I was the onLy one Left standing! (the other four were mercifuLLy aLLowed to take their seats) Waaaaaahhhhhhh!!!

And then, my friend Andrew had the same answer (when our professor asked the same question to another round of "sLaughter-ees" hehe!). Sigh... to cut the story short, he showed us RepubLic Act 90 (or was it 91? whatever!!!) in which one of the parts of a statute was ommitted. Sigh... I was right aLL aLong! (Lucky Lucky Lucky, meL... hehe! =P)

LuckiLy, I wasn't asked to recite for the next cLass, PGC. Sigh... AND we were MERCIFULLY granted the chance to miss THREE hours of cLasses, thanks to some Literary taLk ekek. Literature cLass was caLLed off and we were instead Led to the Conference Room of the CentraL Library to attend the aforementioned Literary taLk on Nick Joaquin. (I was Like, "Who that??") Then our Economics prof canceLLed cLass coz we were aLL Late anyway. Sigh... PURE BLISS after embarrassing myseLf in front of my major professor!

And yesterday, ALexzzz and I skipped EngLish to do the report our prof asked us to do (dig this... refer to the prof I mentioned having heavy make-up during our PhiLo finaLs. She's our prof!! SmaLL worLd, huh??) and it turned out that we couLd have passed it on FRIDAY!!! Not onLy that, our cLassmates were given an EASY quiz on that subject as weLL.... *Moans* Yesterday was sooooo not our day...

The up thing about tomorrow was our PE cLass. BSKT 17, the cooLest basketbaLL co-ed cLass! Hehe! My first session! =D So, we did some shooting, and, with the heLp of RaLLe, managed to "win" two of the four rounds! HAHAHA!!!

And to-day, our LegMa prof didn't caLL on me for recitation =D =D =D and when our PGC prof (sigh... =D) caLLed on me for recitation to-day, he asked me the SIMPLEST questions!! How cooL is that??? Gosh... I'm Like so happy to-day =D

Furthermore, Lorraine was so kind enough to give me one of her surpLus tickets which she paid for. The tickets were for some AA (Artistang ArtLets, the theater guiLd of our coLLege) pLay which I sooooo enjoyed!!! GOSH!!! I Loved the pLay!!!! A big hand to the actors (in theater, I Learned when I auditioned for AA, there was no such thing as an actress, onLy actors =D) who made the pLay such a spectacuLar exampLe of fine theater =D

WeLL... gotta go now... Don't miss me, K? MWAH!!!

:: ... oVeR aNd oUt ... ::

Dead beat...

2005-11-17T03:06:00.000+08:00

Just got back from the province.

Attended my Late grandma's wake.

No proper sLeep for a whoLe week (no... make that a month and a haLf... that starts from sem break onwards), grotty aunts, a week of mourning, staying up tiLL dawn (when they say "wake" they REALLY mean "wake"!).

And to-day, a squabbLe among my paternaL aunts & uncLes, 5 hours on the road, bad hair day... sigh...

See you bLokes to-morrow... Sigh... got schooL in 4hrs, gotta wake up in 2 1/2. And on Friday, right after cLasses, another trip back to the province for the funeraL.

What do you guys think?

:: ... oVeR aNd oUt ... ::

Some thoughts ... QUICK! Gotta type 'em down before they escape!!! HEHE!! Thanks, muse-y! Haha...

2005-11-06T02:29:00.000+08:00

Here are some things I've reaLized and some things that I beLieve in. Hope you'LL find the time to agree or to disagree... Disagreeing's better. It gives my reaLLy rusty brain some exercise =D

REGRETS~~ Why Let them eat you up inside?? ==>

Regretting, I have come to reaLize, is the most stupid things that one can ever feeL. They say that guiLt is the most stupid emotion that exists. And I agree. For I beLieve that guiLt is the cLosest kin of regret. They're sisters. Or brothers. Whatever. (hehe!)

What does regret do to you anyway?

It makes you dweLL on the past.
It traps your mind and hinders it from progressing and moving forward to a new LeveL of maturity.
It prevents you from seeing that THINGS WILL BE OK.
It stops you from Looking forward to the future and seeing the possibiLity of a Life different from the one expected AND seeing the possibiLity that your Life wouLd turn out BETTER than when what you had expected actuaLLy happened.
It sometimes creates faLse hopes that further hinders your personaL growth and deveLopment.
It makes you BOW-ring to be with.
It makes you anti-sociaL.
It makes you moody.
It gives you unnecessary stress.
It gives you pimpLes. (haha!)
It stops you from getting enough beauty sLeep. (More pimpLes!)
It totaLLy messes up your diet. ALL junk food and no beauty-friendLy food.
(from #12) It heLps you gain weight. (NOOOOOOOOoooo...... !!!!!!!!)

You mourn. You weep. You gnash your teeth. You do aLL these things at the thought of "what couLd have been" and "what shouLd have been". That is a BIG no-no. "What couLd have been" and "what shouLd have been" are our just expectations. We are deepLy disappointed that some things didn't go the way we wanted them.

From what I've Learned in PhiLosophy, the Past is just memories, the Present, sight, and the Future makes up our expectations. And I was REALLY impressed by the ingenuity of the oLd phiLosophers. =D

Another thing about regret is that it prevents you from Livin' your Life to the fuLLest. That's because you're stiLL dweLLing in the past and the present hoLds no excitement or thriLL or exhiLiration for you.

Now, you may ask, "If we don't regret, then how do we set things right?" And my answer to that is this:

Regretting and acknowledging that you are wrong and that you have done a mistake are two very DIFFERENT things. You wiLL, of course, feeL very sorry for what you have done. But you must not regret doing what you have done wrong. You can be sorry and repentant and aLL without regretting what you have done. Remember: What has happened cannot be changed (unLess under some weird circumstances you experience what happened in the movie If OnLy in reaL Life. But teLL me if that happens...).

Now, if you've watched the movie 13 Going on 30, you'LL see that when the Leading femaLe character asks her mother if there was a mistake she made that was so bad that wouLd make her want to go back to the past to change it, her mother repLied, "WeLL, dear, I know I've made a Lot of mistakes in my Life but I don't regret making them." And when her daughter asked her why, she repLied, "Because, then, I wouLdn't be abLe to make things right." =D

Wise, eh?

Moving on... The best thing we can do when we make mistakes is to rectify them. As Confucious (was it him? weLL... some oLd ancient phiLospher anyway) said, "To err is human. To rectify, divine. (Some say "forgive". But I prefer "rectify".) We shouLd aLways remember that no mistake is so grave that we cannot make up for it or that we cannot be forgiven.

Like my friend (and "mentor") Lourayne said, "Don't regret."

DO NOT REGRET.

DESTINY... ~A fact or just a resuLt of man's desperate desire for a reason why things turn out the way they do ==>

Destiny is somewhat synonymous with fataLism. FataLism teaches us that ALL things are predestined and that we cannot change or aLter ANY event.

We have aLways heard of peopLe sayin', "Oh! It's meant to be!" (Like that time I came Late for LegaL Management cLass and found that I had no partner for the "case study" we were doing, and then my ex-crush came in Late too just a few minutes after me and so he had to be my partner. And my paL Gino was, Like, "meL!! It's meant to be, man! It's meant to be!" haha! I stiLL smiLe when I remember that =D ) Now, what does "meant to be" or "destined to be" reaLLy mean?

I beLieve that there is no such thing as "destined to be". Things are onLy LabeLLed as "destined to be" ONLY when these things have aLready happened. From that, we have no choice but to beLieve that such an incident was "destined to be" because it has aLready happened, and we can do naught but accept it and accept that we can do NOTHING to change it. However, I beLieve that such incidents happen as a resuLt of different factors. CountLess of incidents directLy and indirectLy reLated to the occurence come together and thus resuLt in the occurence of the incident. (ALthough I beLieve that a singLe factor may not be possibLe because this "singLe" factor may aLso have come to be due to many other sub-factors.) Getsch? Now... you may say, "OK, so you say different incidents cause a singLe incident to occur. So how about these different incidents? How did they come to be??" And my answer to that is, "Asking how the different incidents come to be is just Like asking me how everything is created. For these incidents WOULDN'T have come to be were the worLd and everything in it not been created".

Maybe everything that we see happening around us now was started by the Big Bang. A series of incidents that resuLted in another series of incidents, aLL set to motion by a singLe force of energy.

Waaahhhh!!! I Lost my everythin' I typed just now!!! Waaaahhhh!!!

2005-11-06T02:08:00.000+08:00

Waaaahhhh!!! Boo-hoo-hoo!!! I Lost what I typed just now!!! It wouLd have made such a great post. Waaahhhhh!!! It was the typicaL meL-epic-Length type of post. Like, a thousand or so words. Don't you just hate it when you Lost a entry? After sooooo tediousLy typing it and putting your whoLe heart into it. But never mind. It's not as if I Lost my Life or anythin', right? Hehe!/

Speakin of LoSiNg LiVeS... Do peopLe who die ever get the chance to reaLize that they ACTUALLY Lost their Lives?? I mean, they're dead, right?? And probabLy in heaven, purgatory, or, God forbid, in heLL? I mean, right? OK... I watched the Last episode of Ikaw Ang Lahat Sa Akin. WeLL... Bea ALonzo's character's sister's boyfriend (WHEW! That was Long! haha!) said, "I'm reaLLy gonna miss you" to the sister (pLayed by Shaina or whatever her name is). And I got thinkin... How is he gonna miss her if he's aLready dead? I mean, right? And you know what they say, "Heaven's where you wiLL find that there is nothing that you wiLL ever want". UnLess you go to, God forbid, heLL or purgatory. Right??/

And on the subject of LiVEsSs, I was chattin' with my friend Lourayne thru SMS the other day. And as a comment to what she had previousLy toLd me, she said, "WeLL... I'm sure Socrates is gonna be mad at me for ... <>. And know what I said?? I said... /

Screw Socrates, AristotLe, Descartes and whoever.

They're dead, we're aLive.

They're aLready dead and they're stiLL teLLin' us how Live our Lives??

Uh-uh, sister! *shakes head rigourousLy*

NO WAY I'm gonna Let no no-one teLL me how to Live mah Life!

Be they dead or Livin'!

For the Livin', I say "Hey! You've got your own Life, don't ya?? So Live it and Leave me aLone!" For the dead phiLosophers, "Yo! You've aLready had the chance to Live the Life YOU wanted... Let ME Live the Life I want whiLe I'm stiLL aLive! So don't ya go and teLLin' me how to Live mah Life, nigga!!!"

" /

O? 'Di ba?? Hehe... Anywayzzzz... I'm gettin' sLeepy... See ya aLL next time!/

:: ... oVeR aNd oUt ... ::

Long time, no bLog!

2005-10-31T13:25:00.000+08:00

Oh/my/gosh!/

It's been FOREVER since I last bLogged!! I've been meaning to bLog everyday since I (naturaLLy) have a Lot of comments on a Lot of things/

But... Let's just rewind to the recent past. Starting with.../

THE FINALS ==>

Finals was unarguabLy duLL, boring and uneventfuL... However, something happened on the second-Last day of finaLs... That was when we had our SocioLogy and PhiLosophy finaLs in AB-AVR. Let me start with... /

SOCIOLOGY - It was our first exam that day. So naturaLLy, yours truLy was, as usuaL, fashionabLy LATE. Haha! Just kidding! Nope... I wasn't Late at aLL! Ok... on with the story. Everyone who knows MeLquiades EmmanueL Martinez Aseron III knows that he doesn't enter a room without making a grand entrance (haha! Wish on, LOSER! HAHA!) weLL... I was surprised, but not surprised (ok! WEIRD! i don't know how to expLain it... bah!) that we were sharing the AVR with other kids... So I waLk in, with the eyes of the peeps from the other cLass at me (HEEHEE!!! I WISH!!) WeLL *defensive* it was kinda true! Anyway... i took no notice of them and just Let them stare at yours truLy... I mean... I just simpLy couldn't deny them the chance to feast their eyes on me! (Ha-ha-ha! wish on, LOSER!) haha!/

Anyway... I was on my usuaL bubbLy and Loud and boisterous seLf, and, again as usuaL, attracted attention to myseLf. Never was I to know that a coupLe of days Later, a guy from the cLass that shared the AVR with us wouLd turn out to be bisexuaL and that I was going to meet him in some chat room... Sigh... it's a smaLL worLd after aLL... (he was, Like, "Aren't you from LegMa??" "Homo ka??" "Di haLata..." . . . and I was, Like, "DUH!" deep inside... *roLLs eyes*) But he was friendLy. In fact I saw him when we got our cLearance*/

PHILOSOPHY - OMG!!!!!!!!! This is my favourite story... OK... I was, Like, REALLY worried because I DID NOT STUDY FOR PHILO AT ALL! So my girLfriends Alex and kC sat at the very back so we couLd ... weLL!!! HAHAHA! weLL.../

(in a Russian accent) i was waLking down to the stage when I saw my crush!!! EEEE! Prior to that day, I've seen him in the corridors of AB and I, being the biatch and sLut that I am (ha-ha! very funny...) have been Looking at him, and the thing is, he kept Looking back! And that day, I Looked at him and he Looked taken aback seeing me there. So I just Looked at him for a nano-second or so and Looked away (ayyy... Ang taray ng LoLa mo! haha!) weLL... anyway... that's not the best part! The best part is this... : I was observing him (since I didn't know how to answer the exam anyway, so better Look around, right??) and when he went up to the grouchy invigilator with the heavy make-up (to aLL 1Lm1 and 1journ2 peeps... YOU WERE THINKIN' IT!! Yea... But I SAID IT!!! Haha...!!) to submit his paper, he Looked up and SAW me Lookin' at him! OMG...! And ALex my sister-friend was, Like, smiLing the smaLL smiLe she smiLes when she's tryin'a hide a smiLe... haha! OMG!! I was so kiniLig taLaga...!/

Oh yeah... I chatted with this Loser who was, Like, a totaL asswipe. He, Like, wouLdn't give me his pic and even signed out the first time (AFTER I gave him my picture) I chatted with him. BUT ... ! As AB students are known for being crafty and cLever... I managed to squeeze his picture from him the second. And even then, he was pretending to be a 1LM1 student! So of course, that was a stupid thing to do, coz I know everything about my own cLass and he doesn't. Stupid ass... HAHA! And when I knew who it was... GOSH!!! AS IF IT WAS ANY SECRET THAT HE WAS GAY!!! DUH!!! The whole campus MUST be AWARE of the fact... DUH! *roLLs eyes*/

Moving on ... Coming up next... /

G.A. NIGHT ==>

A total fLop... I was virtuaLLy bored to tears! ='o Yeah, the pLace was nice (RockweLL Loft), but what-the-fock! The whoLe programme sucked. As in B.I.G. time! And then I was really bitchy that night... Don't know why. SuddenLy, I had this great disdain for fugLies (don't wanna mention the person's name... reaLLy annoying asswipe) and I was, Like, going, "Ayoko sa panget!!!" Don't know what came over me that night... It was as if I was possessed by some eviL spirit who hated fugLies in the past Life... LuckiLy, my girLfriends Mia, Divine Grace and Princess Joy were reaLLy understanding of my bitchiness... Haha! (btw... some of the contestants for Mr. LM were just pLain jongets... Not onLy that. They aLso had the IQ of a dinosaur. Don't know why they were even there... Ugh... (ok... caLL me a bitch, but I'm just sayin' what's on my mind.)/

[[ TWO WEEKS OF BOREDOM ]]/

CLEARANCE DAY ==>

A very eventfuL day... I went to schooL reaLLy worried about being robbed because of the reaLLy Large amount of money I had. Anyway... got to schooL, and saw my girL-friend Cherie with some other girLs, headed to BK to hang-out and pray that we passed =D , then went to AB to get our clearance. Then, after sociaLizing with the peeps I missed so much, I went out to the corridor and Lo and behoLd! My crush was hanging around the corridor with his barkada. Sigh... I toLd (haLf-jokingLy) my friend Alex to get his number! ARGH!!! She was shy at first, but when she finaLLy overcame her shyness, he was aLready gone! Awww... /

Then! We went out to the AB Pav to hang out. And just who happened to waLk by with his friends?? DUH! So... ALex was Like, "MEL!!! Gimme your phone!!!" And Terry went with her... I was, Like, REALLY anxious and aLL! They came back a few minutes Later with his name AND number. MWAHAHAHA!!! Anyway... After that, we went to the Seminary Gym to enroLL. And guess what? NO ENROLLMENT! Sigh... but then, as I was taLkin with my friendships about the reaLLy bad news, some guy came up to me and hit me on my Left shouLder ... I was, Like, "... d.u.h. ..." Turns out to be the guy I chatted with*/

Anywayzzz ... we went and hung out at KFC, AFTER going to HeaLth Service ... /

[[ TWO DAYS OF BOREDOM ]]/

BUYING NEW CONTACTS ==>

OK... The day before enroLLment (28th Oct), I got a pair of contacts. The night before this (27th Oct), my sisters and I agreed that we were gonna go to SM San Lazaro coz of the saLe there. But come 28th Oct, we were aLL Like Lazing around the house, watching White Chicks, Monster-in-Law, and some other fLicks. UntiL I got soooo bored I went upstairs to my "room" to sLeep. When I woke up, I was, Like, "What time izzit...??" And it was dark outside!! So I panicked! LuckiLy it was onLy 7am. Sigh... I was so pissed at my sisters becoz I've been teLLing them that I reaLLy wanted to go aLready even before I went to sLeep. So, I just got dressed (Looked great, as usuaL... haha! Ang kapaL!) and went off to SM San Lazaro aLone. I was reaLLy nervous in the jeep coz I was aLone! But aLL went weLL and I got there in around 10 minutes./

Upon getting there, I went straight to the opticaL shop which my sis and I saw. I asked whether they had a singLe pair that was onLy for a month and they did! HAHA! So Lucky! They then went and got me contacts which were fit for my eyes. Paid for the stuff, wore the contacts then and there, and got the heLL off the shop/

Of course, since I aLready had a pair of contacts, I needed new shades! I mean... why bother wearing contacts when you're not going to wear shades, right?? That's the main purpose of wearing contacts! To be abLe to wear shades and be utterLy fashionabLe! So ... I went and hunted for a stand that soLd shades on saLe. Found one and I spend quarter of an hour Looking for the right pair. The whoLe time I was Looking for the right pair, I was thinking, "Am I ever gonna find a pair of shades that doesn't make me Look Like I need a Liposuction???" Ugh! FinaLLy settLed for a Johnny Bravo-type of shades and went off to SM Department Store to get another one (hey!! One's not enough!!! Besides... the Johnny Bravo shades cost me onLy fifty quid!)/

So, I spend another quarter of an hour Looking through the shades on saLe and found the uLtimate fashionista shades!! Brown with reaLLy a cooL frame. HAHA! Of course, I didn't want to be "just a part of the crowd" during the enroLLment the next day!! FASHIONISTA COMING THROUGH!!! HAHA!/

ENROLLMENT ==>

EnroLLment Day... Wow... Got up reaLLy earLy. Then went to schooL with a huge sum of money. Was naturaLLy worried ... But LuckiLy, nothing untoward happened. Wore my new shades and the first friendship I saw was Phoebszy, and she was, Like, " Whoa, meL!!! Fashionista taLaga!! =D " HAHA! The seLfish pLeasure of peopLe Loving my sense of styLe! MWAHAHAHA! Saw my other beLoved bLockmates hangin' around the campus and we quickLy got in Line. SO Lucky we got in Line as earLy as we did! If not... BRRRR!!! I shudder to think about it! We chose our PE (BSKT 17, Wednesday 1-3pm, Co-ed, so the girLs are gonna be with us =D ) Anyway... peopLe were reaLLy, Like, staring at me ... I gotta hand it to my new pair of shades (the brown one) ... It sure heLped me attract aLL the attention I wanted! HAHA! =P /

AND!!! As we were queueing up to pay our fees, I saw him. OMG!!! I was, Like, "Ayun sya! Ayun sya!!" to my girL-friends kC and Zhai (Love you guys! MWAH!) and they Looked at him, and then at me, and shook their heads. I was, Like, so disappointed and so I asked, "Di ba kami bagay?" And they shook their heads as if in sympathy... They then said, "meL... di bagay sa ganda mo..." I was, Like, so crushed! But whatever...! It's OK... /

After that, Terry, ELLi, RaLLe (and his cousin) and I went to JoLLibee to pacify our angriLy rumbLing tummies. /

... An AngeL... ==>

OK... As I've said, my girL-friends Terry and ALex were kind enough to get my crush's number. And so... I txted him that night (Clearance Day). And he was, Like, kind enough to repLy ... And then, I asked him for the number of his cLassmate, who's bLog I read quite some time ago, and who's Friendster dispLay pic has captivated my heart. Haha! /

Turns out, this cLassmate was an angeL, in more ways than one. I don't know him at aLL... we've seen each other around but we haven't taLked personaLLy (weLL, we've taLked countLess times on the phone, and I'm beginning to Like him... REALLY Like him). I don't know where this is aLL going, but I have to Listen to my girL-friend Terry's (MWAH! Love ya, sis!) advice: "THINK first before FEEL, practicaL dapat tayo." And she's right. My friends don't want me to be hurt again, and I certainLy don't wanna get hurt again. My only wish is, if he reaLLy is heaven-sent, I hope we'LL be together. An angeL ... we don't get much of that in this worLd. I hope I'm Lucky enough to get one ... /

I don't know what I'm feeLing right now. I don't know if I'm ready to faLL in Love again. But hey... have you ever heard of anyone actually being READY to faLL in Love?? =D Most of aLL, I don't know if I'm ready to reLinquish my being singLe. I've Learned to enjoy my freedom so much, I'm scared of being roped Like some horse. But as Long as the guy won't treat me as I've been treated before, I won't mind =p /

... oVeR aNd oUt ... /

Jonget...

2005-10-06T14:46:00.000+08:00

Talaga... sobra na talaga ang buhay ngayon...

Salamat sa Dios na tapos na ang Literature play namin. Nah... just let me type this is English.

Weird sobra... My friends asked me to play my instrument for the chorus. So I did. They were, like, "Whoa...!" Haha... not because of my playing, but of the instrument itself. :P haha!

Anyway... the day was really cooL... thank goodness I landed in AB! Coz the workload (well... for our class, that is) is REALLY small! HAHA! And the exams and quizzes ain't all that tough.

Shit... My English speaking skills are really deteriorating... Maybe I should start speaking with my classmates in that language from now on. Hmmm.... Now THERE'S a thought... But I'm sure a lot of people will disagree on that course of action.

Sketching is really fun. Been sketchin' some stuff, mostly famous landscapes in our campus. People keep saying that I should have taken a programme in CFAD rather than in AB. But halerr... who wants to draw all day?? I more into using my brain than using my hands. No way am I gonna transfer to CFAD. Besides... sketching, for me, is more of a hobby than a profession. I know some people make a living out of drawing but I so don't wanna become like those people.

Hmm... I'm reminded of my friend Andrew's comment last week... I was, like, saying, "So you know, like, those people who, like, ..." (with lotsa "like, like, like"). And then he commented on that, saying that he didn't like people who spoke in that manner. I was, like, "But didn't you, like, study in, like, the United States? So I'm sure you've, like, encountered people who, like, spoke like that..." And he was, like, " Only bratty girls spoke like that..." And I was, like, " So you, like, don't like people speaking like that? That's, like, uncool, dude..." haha! He was, like, "..." haha!

And when I recited for Literature class, I was, like, "So Ma'am, it's, like, ..." hahaha!

OK... I bet you're wondering why the title is "jonget"...

My friend Cheenee and I went online (or rather, I just accompanied her) at the place where the guy with whom she has a crush on works. And when I, like, showed her how someone looks like, she was, like, "HUH?!?!?!?!? JONGET!!! Eto ba yung iniiyakan mo, meL???? ANG JONGET!!" Hmm... well... whoever said love looked at the appearance. And TO THINK that I convinced myself that he was the most handsome guy in the world (I really did, cross my heart and hope to die). *shakes head*

I know I sound like a bitch speaking like this, but who cares? I've been treated like some slut who has no feelings (well... look at me now... I'm a certified slut... 99% slut, 1% human) and been shown absolutely zero respect so why shouldn't I act like this?

But even though I'm a slut, I promise I'll NEVER smoke HOPE cigarette.

EVER.

I mean...

EVER AGAIN.

Hope you get what I mean :D

:: ... oVeR aNd oUt... ::

Pangit daw ang taste ko...

2005-10-01T15:31:00.000+08:00

Shet... I had no idea of that until my friend Cherie told me so! (Hmm... Actually, my girl-friends tell me that I had VERY different tastes from them. I had no idea that pangit pala ang taste ko! BRRRR!!!)

It went like this... my crush (who is an inch or two smaller than I) was... erm... not really that drop-dead gorgeous, as in hindi talaga... Shucks... And... when I showed my friend Cherie another dude who I (well not really have a crush on) like and, shit talaga... she said and I quote:

"ANG PANGIT TALAGA NG TASTE MO, MEL!!!"

I was mortified!!!! Derrrrrr!!! I wasn't aware that my taste was ugly! And not only that, when I showed my PE classmate AND partner Mimi someone, she was like, "HUH?! E baklang-bakla ang dating nun e!"

That goes to show true love doesn't look at looks alone. Shit talaga... when she said that, I was like, "Oo nga noh...." HAHA! And now to think that I really get turned off by effeminate, "lad-lad" gays... Well... His loss, not mine. (By the way... That was what I've been trying to tell another girl-friend of mine.)

Sigh... I concede defeat...

Pangit ang taste ko.

Don't worry, Cherie... AND Mimi... I'll change. For the better. At least, my tastes will. HAHAHA!!!

Pero sana gay or bi man lang yung crush ko... (Pero as my friend KC said, "Wag na yun! E ang pangit-pangit nun e!) Sigh... But as they say... "The heart does things for reasons that REASON itself can't understand".

Hope he knows how much I really loved him before he treated me like basura and I really hope he'll find someone who'll love him as much I as I did him.

Coz I'm sure, I WILL! HAHAHAHAHA! Cheers to that! MWAHAHAHA! (Hmm... and to think I cared enough for him to really hate the person that abused him. Oh, well...)

:: ... oVeR aNd oUt ... ::

My day...

2005-09-28T15:37:00.000+08:00

I'm in the library right now. Surfing the net.

Reading the past. Looking back how funny things that were once soooooooo serious and heart-wrenching. (Haha! I'm like laughin' at myself over the foolishness of my actions not more than 3 months ago) And now, those serious and heart-wrenching things are just things that reminds me of my past stupidity.

Funny how some things which used to be so tragic are now hilarious. Really. I can't stop myself from wanting to die of humiliation over the things I did, and over the things I said.

Reading someone's past blog entries and my comments to them struck me as really funny. (shit... I forgot I still have my Literature book report to finish... thank God that's the only project we have to do for this semester... unlike the other section... BRRRRR!!! They have TONS of work to do! A thesis on Sociology (thank God Ma'am Peppin was our prof... LOVE YA, MA'AM! Thanks for helping me know more about us gays! :D ), two projects on our major, Legal Management and project or two in Literature... shet... poor 1LM2... thank God I landed in 1LM1...)

Anywayzzz... I'm quite astounded at myself (yes... myself) at how nasty I was to my ex-boyfriend. Not that I'm regretting what I did, but I know I did what I thought I had to do out of the desire to be with him. Lourayne my friend says I acted out of love. I like to think so too. But it must have been selfish "love". Well... He was my first. And even though he wasn't drop-dead gorgeous or cute to the max, I managed to keep faithful to him in the end, even when I wanted to break up with him at some point during our brief relationship (Erm... that was when I started saw that there were much more handsome guys in our school.) I thought of calling him up or setting a meeting with him to break up but I thought, "What the heck... Looks fade." Haha! I even managed to convince myself that he was the most handsome guy in the face of the earth (Really... that's what I thought. I was, like, whenever I saw a handsome guy, I'd say to myself, "Nah... Mas guapo pa boyfriend ko dyan. And looks fade anyway." And so, he was the only guy I ever thought of being with, even on the first day of school and I met my really handsome classmate.)

By the way... I THINK my sister's classmate saw me smoking just now... Hope he doesn't blab to my sister... But what the heck... If she finds out, she can't kill me anyway... But I know that that's what going to cross her mind. HAHA! I'm planning to stop anyway... It's just that I've gotten addicted to the instant high you get when you puff on that tobacco filled piece of rolled paper. Sigh...

I feel really silly over what happened in the past. BUT I don't regret ANYTHING that happened. Uh-uh... Some people say that people won't get stronger when they don't fall. Because then, they won't know how to rise again. (Deep leh... haha!)

Gotta go now... Going to 3rd Floor, Education Building to catch an exhibit. Ciao ciao Ciao!

:: ... oVeR aNd oUt... ::

(P.S. My answer to my post dated September 19, 2005 [Shit... i AM still affected...] )

No, I don't love him anymore.

Pissed

2005-09-27T15:03:00.000+08:00

I am really pissed.

Totally, undoubtedly, and absolutely pissed.

What the fuck is wrong with everybody??

Sigh... My crush is ignoring me... After being introduced to him by my friend, I would expect he'd pay attention to me. But no.... Uh-uh... But my crush isn't the only one ignoring me... KAINIS... Sobra... Ok... maybe they're not exactly ignoring me... But I wish people would just pay more attention to me (oy... Di ako kulang sa pansin, ha... Just that I want people to listen or at least LOOK at me when I'm talking.)

Ok... What exactly happened yesterday? It went like this...

I saw my friend just outside of Burger King in Dapitan. She's been telling me that my crush wanted her to introduce me to him (she told me that last Friday). But well... we didn't see each other anymore that day and so she didn't get to introduce me to him.

So on Monday (yesterday), I saw her at Dapitan and she told me she'll be over at Colayco and so will my crush (and so was I... coz I had my practice for Social Dance). Anywayzzz... We met at Colayco Park, as planned, and when my crush got there, she introduced us.

It was really funny really... My crush told me my friend was telling all sorts of stuff about me. And my friend was REALLY parinig taLaga... Like when she told me that she and my crush kissed on the cheek, she went on to say "Ow.... may nag-seseLos..." I really wanted to die of humiliation then and there. HAHA!

And then my friend asked me to get his number. And I was like, "Wag na... wag na..." Sigh... but she was so insistent that I went on to ask my crush if he was using SUN. And so [OH MY GOD!! He just texted me!!! A few seconds ago... "Ei, may practice k0h 2day-p.E. :D." HAHA!] ...

Anywayzzz... I asked him "Ano number mo?" and he asked the same question (verbatim) at exactly the same time! HAHA! Saya... Sobra...

Pero... Hmm... I was really down when I texted him just now (an hour ago) asking where he was and he did reply... Pero kakareply na pa Lang... YAY!!!

But I'm not getting my hopes high... I really don't know if he's straight or bi or gay or what... So I'm still looking... But he's really cute taLaga... (hmm... actually... my friends KC and Terry and Cherie think otherwise... But as we all agreed on (especially me and KC) we have very DIFFERENT tastes) So there... Hope he becomes my next ho-we though... CROSS FINGERS!!!

Sigh... Really pissed just now. Ate alone at Cafe Dapits while smoking a cigarette that I KNOW that I won't smoke ever again (Malboro Lights, Classic) because of its disgusting taste. HAHA!

Sigh... Hope he'll text again...

:: ... oVeR aNd FREAKING oUt ... ::

Stupid jeep drivers should forever burn in HELL!!!

2005-09-25T14:46:00.000+08:00

Hello.... musta na po... La Lng po... ganito Lng po me magsaLita dhiL asar na asar ako sa nangyari sa 'kin kanina...

****** *** tLga... sumakay ako ng Tayuman gaLing sa amin and then... the trip was OK.

Some passengers boarded the jeep and alighted till I was the only one left when I got to the pLace where I take the next jeep to UST.

Putang inang (OK... I won't bother censoring it anymore...) taLaga... I tapped the BULOK jeep ceiling and he still didn't stop. Then when I said "para", he still didn't pull over. He drove on as if he didn't hear anything. Fucking driver... I was forced to jump off the moving jeep. LuckiLy, I didn't Lose my balance (almost lost it however...) Hmm... actually I'm used to getting off the jeep while it's still moving, so it wasn't such a big deal... But Mr. Driver... I know who you are... I remember your fugly face... your rotten jeep... just pray I don't encounter you again... I'll report you to the Department of Land Transportation and have your license revoked...

On to more pleasant things... Today was our final exam for ROTC. HAHA! We celebrated Holy Mass first, and then went to Beato Angelico and waited THREE HOURS for our test-papers on Military Science, which was actually quite easy. Of course, in accordance to ... ... ... ... SECRET!!! HAHAHA!

Speaking of fellow platoon members... My friend from Archi (who also happens to be my PE classmate) told me how to flavour ciggies... just soak the filter of your ciggy in the juice or drink of your choice (orange, strawberry, melon, grape, or even beer, vodka, etc) and then let the ciggy dry. Then you'll be puffing away an orange, strawberry, melon, grape, beer or vodka-flavoured ciggy! CooL, huh?

Hmmm... this friend of mine also tells me about pot/weed (or simply, marijuana = Mary Jane). Really cool... Wanna try that too... Wonder if he could get me some...

::...oVeR aNd oUt...::

Pourquoi parle-je dans le français ?

2005-09-19T14:02:00.000+08:00

Pourquoi a fait j'écris ce poste dans le français, vous pouvez demander.

Je ne sais pas.

Peut-être parce que je ne veux pas que quelqu'un sache que j'ai écrit.

Qui est "que quelqu'un" ?

Vous devriez savoir.

Merde. Damnez-vous. Et évidemment, damnez-moi. Pourquoi pense-je toujours à vous ? Espère-je toujours que vous reviendrez un de ces jours ? Vous aime-je toujours ? Merde merde merde....

J'ai essayé de me dire que vous êtes s'en allés. Mais vous me hantez toujours. Les souvenirs d'entre "nous" (s'il y avait vraiment "nous"), tourmentez toujours mon esprit. Je suis assiégé avec les images d'entre vous.

Soupir... Je ne sais pas même si je vous manque toujours. Tout ce que je sais est, je pense toujours à vous. Vos mensonges. Vos mots doux. Votre visage. Votre structure de corps. Vos dents. Vous cheveux. Vous dans votre uniforme.

Merde...

Pourquoi devais-je vous rencontrer ????

:: ... oVeR aNd oUt... ::

Shit... i AM still affected...

2005-09-19T13:33:00.000+08:00

Shit shit shit... and shit! I am still affected.

There was this guy just now (I'm in the library right now) who looked just like my ex-boyfriend. Well... the body build and the face structure.

DAMN... Imagine how I reacted. On the outside, I just looked nonchalantly at him (I felt someone walking behind where I was sitting and so I turned around to look who it was). Damn...

On the inside, my heart was beating very hard and very fast.

It was just like last Thursday when I saw him in the Education building. Damn... DAMN! That was the least of all times I expected to see him since it was in the afternoon and his classes were only till 12noon. (In case you're wondering, I was doing something for my sis who's in fourth year... I played the guinea pig on her "Nutrition Counselling" ekek...) His hair was all spiky, he was clad in a violently red jacket and he and his class were in the room next to the Nutrition Clinic. Damn... Had to go all the way to Dapitan to smoke two ciggies... haha! ok Lng...

Sigh... And I have a very shrewd idea that the guy I met yesterday (the first-year, Educ smoker) is the guy he had a crush on...

I can't believe myself... I thought I was over him.

A LOT of questions remain...

Do I still think of him? ==> Everyday

Do I hate him? ==> I don't know.

Do I still care for him? ==> I don't know.

Am I still angry at him? ==> I don't know.

??????????????????????? DO I STILL LOVE HIM ???????????????????????

I HONESTLY don't know.

The only thing I know is... Whatever I do, whatever I think, whatever happens, he's never coming back. But do I want him back??

I don't know...

Ich weiß nicht.

Je ne sais pas.

No sé.

Я не знаю.

:: ... oVeR aNd oUt... ::

Oh my gosh... TODAY WAS HORRID!!!

2005-09-18T19:08:00.000+08:00

*NOTE: Imagine that all that is written below as being told by the author in a prim and proper British accent*

I can't bloody believe today! Everything was going fine and some soddy old (well... not so old... in fact he was quite handsome) Army office chevers had to ruin it all...

I woke up quite early to-day, having NO IDEA what the day had in store for me.

Bloody hell... I thought we were just going to do some drills to-day! And some marching, of course.

But why did ****** had to come and fuck up my day?? He was really quite horrid, actually. OK... It all started like this...

This ****** was on a real power trip. He kept on making us march for, like, a gizillion times and since we were not up to "his standards", we were "rewarded" for our efforts.

Hell... yeah... rewarded with 50 squat-thrusts and then rolling on the muddy field. Fuck... But let me elaborate on the finer details.

OK... it was like this... he asked us to perform the "stationary marching" (which is to march on the same spot without moving forwards). Of course, we were complete morons because our platoon leader (Bless him! Oh, God bless him!) wasn't as strict as some of the other dastardly platoon leaders, so he didn't really tire us too much with exercises, drills, marchings, and the like. Well! Anyway!

Mr. ****** happened to be a fucker who just wanted to make us miserable because the wanker must be miserable himself (as they say... Misery loves company... oh so much!). So, seeing that we weren't up to his standards, he made us do 15 squat-thrusts!

Well... one of us were "fortunate" enough to get dizzy at that moment and asked to fall-out. So he was allowed to do so. Anyway... the un-exercised bastard that I am, I was not able to keep up with the squat-thrusts (remember, our squat-thrusts must be done in unison). So of course, Mr. ****** wasn't happy with me (well... I THINK it was me... since being the fat bastard I am, I was the only one who was not able to keep up). But hallerrrrr....! It's been a long while since I did squat-thrusts (when I was still attending Taekwondo) and so my legs cramped up!!! Imagine the pain!

And since I took up smoking, I got tired easily. Sigh... that bloody wanker is REALLY some dastardly shit, isn't he?

Well... after that, I saw this really cute guy from RO. He's a first-year Tourism student and he bought a ciggy as I bought my second one at Lacson Street. Sigh... AND I lent him my lighter. I asked him his course/programme and he said "Tourism". Just a single word.

And it so happened that he got on the same jeep that I took on my way home (Tayuman; I usually stop at SM San Lazaro). And there we were, puffing away on our ciggies (well... I always finish mine so fast I surprise myself! ALL the time. But him... he took his own sweet time). But the thing is... He was on the phone the whole time (and a real trendy and expensive one too).

Hmm... Can't say I fell head over heels in love with the bloke. (Actually I saw him earlier on buying a drink at the IPEA drinks stand.) But he was waaaayyyy too handsome and seems to have no interest in me. So what? He's not the only fish in the sea.

Watched Notting Hill (I love that movie! Especially the British accent...) and gonna drink some beer before I sleep... I heard it clears blocked pores... JUST KIDDING!!!

Weellll..... my day was really tiring... and I need my beauty sleep.

Ciao!

:: ...oVeR aNd oUt... ::

Bakeru...!!

2005-09-15T14:03:00.000+08:00

Hay...

Busy busy busy... ate at The Pit with the fellas and fellies... haha!

Hay nako... naawa tLga ako sa friend kong si ******* ... Wish she'll just get over her boyfriend who also happens to be a close friend of mine, as well as my classmate. Well ... i don't know what to say... If I know, instead of being a help to the two of them, I was more like a big "help". Getsch?? I really hope everything works out for the best for the two of them (I have to say that my guy friend's reason was quite lame, and I KNOW how my gaLfriend is feeling right now... Oh boy! How I know!!!)

Hay nako... masaya maging single. Sometimes. Yun nga lang nakakasawa makipag-fLirt (or in Tagalog, Lumandi)... Pero who cares... At least you get to flirt around with people, right? Not a good reason to enjoy being single or to say you're enjoying being single... but hey! what the heck... make the best of everything, right?

I miss being with my ex-boyfriend, yeah, but... I don't know... maybe it was better this way... he never loved me anyway (Summer fling) and now that i've come think about it, duh! Do i wanna cling on to some guy who doesnt love me (no... make that NEVER LOVED ME)?? GET OUTTA HERE!!! No way, Jose!

"Letting go

is relinquishing your hold on something that was truly yours,

but

giving up

is relinquishing your hold on something that was never yours to begin with..."

O di ba?? Totoo di ba?? See?? I finally GAVE UP, because he was never mine to begin with. Why can't I have been more handsome and desirable? haha! Joke!

Pero I understand my friend naman e... She loves the person so much pero there's nothing she can do about it (if he wants to break up).

NO MATTER

how much you love someone,

NO MATTER

what you would do for that someone,

NO MATTER

what you say,

NO MATTER

what you do...

Your love will never be enough to make the person stay.
People... accept the cold, harsh reality...
BAKERU...
:: ...oVeR aNd oUt... ::

2005-09-14T13:00:00.000+08:00

Oh my gosh... This is soooooooo cooL! See what my romantic horoscope (or should i say "HORRORscope" hehe!) for today says...

"Look at it this way:

The stars say that if you were in a relationship now,

you'd be grappling with all sorts of issues.

So if that grass is looking greener,

stop and really take in the colour on YOUR side of the fence."

Omg omg omg omg omg OMG!!! That is WAY RADICAL, dude!!

Pero not that I'm sayin' na di ko naman naa-appreciate yung "green-ness", sweet smell, fresh air, FREEDOM of MY side of the fence, it's just that it holds sooo much meaning pour moi. Being single is great and I should definitely enjoy it...

Pero... Gosh...! Maraming nagsasabi na masarap maging single pero MAS marami ang nagsasabi mas masarap ang may minamahal. Hay nako... hehe!

Akala ko talaga... AKALA KO TALAGA!!! As in, AKALA KO TALAGA!!! BAKIT??? Hay nako...

Akala ko taLaga bukas ang G.A. Night namin! Shet tLga... sa OCTOBER 15 pa daw.

Hay nako... Akala ko talaga... Reding-ready pa naman akoh... Hay... well watever naLang... Kung sa October 15 e di sa October 15!

Peeps... I'm gonna have another bLog... the address is... http://meLaseron1987.bLogspot.com/ (the oLd address)

I know, I know... I can barely maintain this bLog and yet i'm gonna start a new one... Wala Lng... trip Lng... tinopak Lng...

:: ...oVeR aNd oUt... ::

I am Gothic. Period.

2005-09-13T14:54:00.000+08:00

I AM GOTHIC... ... ... ... PERIOD.

OMG... can't beLieve my bLockmates' reaction to my new styLe! HEE HEE HEE!! Love it!

And Aika was so shocked she hid behind her cLass door! hahaha~!!

Am havin' so much fun... pero I have no idea until when I can keep this up... too dangerous!

I repeat...

I.AM.GOTHIC.

Period.

:: ...oVeR aNd oUt... ::

2005-09-11T08:15:00.000+08:00

Guess what?? I woke up at 7:34am today! GREAT!!! My bloody alarm clock didn’t go off at 4. so what the heck happened?? I’m too late for ROTC. Even if I did go and try to catch up, HAHA! Too late and absent pa rin ako. Sayang Lng ang pamasahe…

Eto… nakikinig ng My Immortal ng Evanescence. How I can soooo relate to that song. Like my friendship Lourayne.

Hay… I’m so gutom tLga… as in sobers… But I’m on a diet. Shit… I’m so fat!

Oh yeah… on Friday, before my PE started, I saw this really cute Eng’g guy (he’s like so guapo tLga… If I know may Lahi un e… sa itsura naman e) Lounging around where we had our PE. Shit tLga… dahil sa kanya di ako tuloy makapagconcentrate sa practice nmin! Hehe… pero ok nman kay MiMi… hahaha!

I am soooo gonna go after him! HAHA! JOKE! Haha!

Shit… it’s been 3months.

I miss him.

But I’m ever SO sure that he doesn’t miss me nor think of me even. Bet he’s too busy with his Pasig guy. HAHA! My wish of being forgotten and hated has come true! Haha…

Nah… I’m pretty much OK now… mas manhid kesa nuon. Pero I still think of him.

Why?

Shit... it's September 11. I hate today. I hate hate hate today... Coz it makes me think of him and something that happened to him.

Fuck... no matter how much concerned I am for him, he's still not coming back, is he?

Sigh... haha! Pucha! Ang drama koh!

oVeR aNd fReAkInG oUt…

Bad trip sa PE...

2005-09-09T17:29:00.000+08:00

Pucha tLga... shit tLga PE ko... Tang ina... E haLLerrrr....!!!!! Ako kaya yung isa sa mga nagpractise ng maayos dun sa sayaw naming yun. Putang ina taLaga... Di Lng un... ung Last grade ko sa practicaL, ok nman sayaw ko a... putang ina tLga... E bakit ung mga di nagprapractise matataas ang grade??? E ung isa nga e... nagpractise Lng 1hr before the practicaL tapos ang taas-taas ng grade nya... I mean... not that I'm saying he doesnt deserve the grade pero di hamak naman na mas-ok yung sayaw ko kesa sa kanya???

Parang may personal vendetta tLga ung pucha nming prof dun sa kin... Lagi nLng ako pinaka mababa sa practicaL... anong pinalalabas nya?? watever tLga... putang ina nya...

Anyway... oK nman ako aside from that... my CWG quiz was ok. Putang ina tLga... kung di pa OK ung swing ko next week, putang ina tLga irereport ko sya sa faculty.

Hay... eto... takot pa rin ivisit bLog at friendster account nya... hahaha! did something very naughty nga e... Yesterday, I messaged the friendster account he no longer uses (he hasnt logged in into that account since September of last year), telling him all that was in mind. HAHAHA!!! Maybe years later he'll read that. HAHA!

Pero ako nman... si duwag... ni bLog nya pinanavisit na friend nya para Lng icheck kung pinagtatamaan nya pa ako... aLa Lng... haha!

Should I go to the LM GA night?? Hay... P500.00 kasi e! Hay... and I'm planning to buy an LM jacket pa nman... aLa Lng...

anywayzzz... gotta run! Ciao!

!!...oVeR aNd jUsT fReAkInG oUt...!!

Okay... feeLin' shitty...

2005-09-07T15:20:00.000+08:00

I feeL shitty.

I hate my life.

My sisters, parents, brother, friends, barkada are like so supportive of me and yet somehow, I'm stiLL such a bitch. I got some things that I always wanted and yet I realized that I'm still not happy.

Hay... I was so tired after yesterday afternoon. Did somethin' that I never thought I would start doing EVER after I met my ex. Sigh... Feel so tired right now. I SO don't know why I was up till midnight talkin' to a guy who I really don't know.

Anywayzzz... today went well enough. Had some masCAra (hehe!) put on by my friendship Terzzz. Looked OK on me. Then used the face powder I bought in SM San Lazaro (WHERE ELSE??) last night before I went home. Honestly! It's only now that I finally knew the difference between a masCAra and an eyeLiner. I SO wanna enter the Gothic worLd. Hay... gotta buy a penciL eyeLiner. Hay...

Hay... Eto... kumain kasama nina Terry, KC, Amorey, Hera and some of the guys at ALmer's. Went well enough. Good thing I got some nourishment. I so didn't eat anythin' for breakfast.

Hay... weLL... read someone's bLog and it was so weird! I was just giving this person advice and stuff like that and he goes on to say that my (OK, another guy's and mine) life was perfect! I mean, WHAT IS THAT?? Hay... Some peopLe REALLY don't knw when the probLem is actually they themseLves. Sigh...

Getting sick of meeting with peopLe I don't reaLLy Like. Maybe I should just Lay Low for a whiLe... yeah... that'LL be a good idea.

Erm... Got a really good quote from my friend Fang Mi... it goes Like this:

"Sabi nila mas OK kumalas kesa maging panakip butas.

Sabi naman ng iba mas OK magpakatanga kasi naipaglalaban nila yung mahal nila.

Pero alam mo, para sa kin, mas OK pa rin MAGISA kesa maghamal ng WALANG KWENTA!"

This is like so wise! Bakit ba kelangan magkameron ng boyfriend o ng girlfriend para makompleto ka?? Di naman, di ba? Hay nako... Napaka laking risk magmahal. Pucha... ang laking risk talaga. Oo masarap. Oo matamis. Pero... hay nako... ikaw nalang magisip kung anong sasabihin ko.

If I only knew kung gano sya kalandi. Pucha... Ganun pala mga bi na lalake. Di mapapagkatiwalaan. E parang mas malandi ata sila kesa sa aming mga queers e! Ewan ko nga ba...

When will I ever find that perfect one? Dadating ba sya? Or am I just doomed to spend life eternal like this. Sawa na ko magchat sa mIRC. Sawa na ko sa mga taong txt-mates ko lang na mapapamahal sa kin thru txt Lng. Sawang-sawa na ko sa buhay kong ito. I know I'm meant to Live for so much more (OK... so that's a song by Switchfoot... so what?? hehe!)

Like a model friend of mine, I'm gettin' tired of my life. Gettin' what I wanted and then not really feeling as fulfilled as I thought. Gosh... I hate my friggin' Life.

God help me.

oVeR aNd fReAkInG oUt...

Sabihin Mo Sa Akin

2005-08-29T04:16:00.000+08:00

This song made me ponder of the things that is going on around me, namely to us queers. Hmm... Ano ba talaga ang mayroon sila na wala sa amin? (What do they have that we don't?)

Most of the time, queers are isolated, left out, ostracized, and deprived of one important human emotion, and that is love. Why are men not allowed to love other men the way other men love women? What is wrong with that? Why are they deprived of love? If they are able to practise love in the purest form (ie. without lust), then isn't this love also good?

What is so different between straight men and queers? Don't they breathe the same air? Don't they have the same physical attributes? Maybe they differ in sexual orientation, but really, is that such a big difference that queers are humiliated and left out of society? Aren't queers able to do tasks that heterosexual men do? Aren't they also capable of feelings?

And so, I dedicate this song to those people out there who are left out by their society because of their appearance, disability and sexual orientation.

Sabihin Mo Sa Akin

by Sheryn Regis

Ang tunay bang pag-ibig ay mayroong mukha

Ang puso ba'y saan tumitingin
Ang mga ulap ba ay dapat kong hawiin
Upang maglaho ang dilim na bumabalot sa akin

Pag-ibig ba ay may kinikilingan

Namimili ba ng dapat mahalin

Ano'ng kailangan kong gawin

Upang pag-ibig ay maramdaman kahit lang saglit

Chorus 1:

Ano ba ang mayroon sila na hindi matatagpuan sa akin

Ako nga ba ay kakaiba sa kanilang paningin

Ako ba ay may pagkukulang na dapat mapunan

Ano ba ang mayroon sila na wala sa akin

At parang kay bilis nilang nakita

Pag-ibig na inaasam nila

Ba't kay tagal ko nang naghihintay

Ngunit tila walang dumarating kundi malamig na hangin

Chorus 2:

Ano ba ang mayroon sila na hindi matatagpuan sa akin

Ako nga ba ay kakaiba sa kanilang paningin

Ako ba ay may pagkukulang na dapat mapunan

Ano ba ang mayroon sila, sabihin mo sa akin

Ano ba ang mayroon sila na hindi matatagpuan sa akin
Ako nga ba ay kakaiba sa kanilang paningin
Ako ba ay may pagkukulang na dapat mapunan
Ano ba ang mayroon sila, sabihin mo...

... sa akin ...

:: ...oVeR aNd fReaKiNg oUt... ::

Another so-and-so day

2005-08-24T16:13:00.000+08:00

Hay nako... Ang hirap ng buhay. Nakakasira ng uLo. Masyadong bworingggg...!!

Well, had to take that blasted compulsary medical exam in the UST Health Service. WHY do we have to take such things??? Well... I guess you know what they say... "It's a privilege, so don't complain!" Privilege na kung privilege. *roLLs eyes*

Hay... Sino ba tLga yang ****** na yan?!? Patulan ko kaya sya? Pucha! Di ko alam na ganito pala kahirap ang magdecision. Decisions, decisions....

E bakit pa ba ako naghahangad na makahanap ng kasintahan kung ang mga taong tuLad nmin e di pa pala tanggap sa publiko? Ha? Ewan ko nga ba... Hay hay hay... Pero bakit ko nga ba papansinin ang ganyang tipong pagtrato kung marami naman akong mga kaibigan na tanggap ako kung sino ako, di ba? Di mo talaga ma-wi2n-over ang mga lahat ng tao sa mundo (o mundi). Haha!

OO NGA PALA! SHIT! Pupunta nga pala kami sa BILIBID!!! Hala... bawal mga bling-bling ko... :'( ang joLogs tLga... as in sobra! pero OK lang. Kelangan daw magdala ng chevers-chevers, tuLad ng mga toiLetry at food para sa mga inmates. OK Lng... Dapat ipakita ang pagkabait at pagkamalasakit-tao ng mga Tomasino (err... sorry na naman sa buLok kong TagaLog... "to show Thomasian kindness and compassion) HAHA! Hay nako... Inaantok na ko. KeLangan ko ng meme. haha!

Gosh... Sana di nya iniisip na binabasa ko pa ang bLog nya. Kasi hindi ko na binabasa pa ang bLog nya. Really. Cross my broken heart and hope to die on the stake. HAHA!

:: oVeR aNd fReaKiNg oUt... ::

What happened to-day?

2005-08-22T16:01:00.002+08:00

Whew! Finally... PRIVACY! **** can't read my bLog no more coz **** doesn't know the address! HA-HA-HA-HA-HA!

Anyway... the day was fine. Met up with *someone* in Jollibee (yung malayong Jollibee. haha!) Ms. KC, Ms. Terry, Ms. Amorey and Ms. Elliana wuz there, of coz... Haha! Shit... nahalata ata ni *someone* na (haha!) classmate ko sila! SHIT! Haha! Pero watever! Haha!

Then went and watched the guys' b-ball game. (Sorry, sorry, SORRY taLaga mga tsong! Sorry tLga di me nag-pay attention sa game! Haha! Wala kasi me hiLig sa B-baLL e... Haha!)

Of coz, after that, konteng chat with Ms. Trixy. HEHEHE! :p

Okie... Later ko nLng sasabihin kay Mizz Aikzka abt my URL change.

oVeR aNd fReaKiNg oUt...

HAHAHA!!!

2005-08-22T15:37:00.000+08:00

FREEDOM! AT LAST, FREEDOM!!! HAHA!!!

The jerk ain't gonna be disturbin' me no more ... ! MWAHAHAHAHAHA!!

oVeR aNd fReaKiNg oUt..

First Love

2005-08-20T06:54:00.000+08:00

(Japanese Version)

Saigo no kisu wa tabako no flavor ga shita

Nigakute setsunai kaori

Ashita no imagoro ni wa

Anata wa doko ni irun darou

Dare wo omotterun darou

You are always gonna be my love

Itsuka darekato mata koi ni ochitemo

I'll remember to love you taught me how

You are always gonna be the one

Ima wa mada kanashii love songu

Atarashii uta utaeru made

Tachidomaru jikan ga

Ugoki dasouto shiteru

Wasuretakunai kotobakari

Ashita no imagoro niwa

Watashi wa kitto naite iru

Anatawo omotterundarou

You will always be inside my heart

Itsumo anata dake no basho ga aru kara

I hope that I have a place in your heart too

Now and forever you are still the one

Ima wa mada kanashii love song

Atarashii uta utaeru made

You are always gonna be my love

Itsuka darekato mata koi ni ochitemo

I'll remember to love you taught me how

You are always gonna be the one

Mada kanashii love song

Now and forever

(English Version)

In Your Final Kiss

I Could Taste The Flavor Of Tobaco

It Was A Bitter And Painful Smell

At About This Time Tomorrow

I Wonder Where You'll Be

I Wonder Who You'll Be Thinking Of

You Are Always Gonna Be My Love

Even If Someday You Fall In Love With Someone Else

I'll Remember To Love

You Taught Me How

You Are Always Gonna Be The One

For Now It's Still A Sad Love Song

Until I Can Sing A New One

When I Stop Moving

I Try To Move On

It's Nothing But Things I Don't Want To Forget

At About This Time Tomorrow

I'm Sure I'll Be Crying

And I'll Probably Be Thinking Of You

You Will Always Be Inside My Heart

Because It's A Place That Will Forever Be Yours Alone

I Hope That I Have A Place In Your Heart Too

Now And Forever You Are Still The One

For Now It's Still A Sad Love Song

Until I Can Sing A New One

You Are Always Gonna Be My Love

Even If Someday You Fall In Love With Someone Else

I'll Remember To Love

You Taught Me How

You Are Always Gonna Be The One

For Now It's Still A Sad Love Song

Until I Can Sing A New One

Now and Forever

Is this true?

2005-08-17T14:38:00.000+08:00

To everyone out there... Read this and comment (OK... just HOW MANY people read my bLog??).

This is a quote which someone (secret... haha!) passed to me yesterday.

"You can hide the pain that you feel and make others believe that you have moved on, but you can never deny the truth to YOURSELF and only YOURSELF that the person who failed and hurt you is still the person whom you will always choose to love..."

OK... What I think about this statement is this:

I think this statement is extremely true. Ok... Let me explain it this way... If you manage to make others believe that you've finally "moved on" (Gosh... I'm getting sick of these two words) by finding another, starting a relationship with them, chevers chevers, but deep inside, you still love the person who failed you and that you just started a new relationship because you want to numb the pain, to forget, to make the other person jealous, etc, then that is very selfish.

Personally, I was looking for someone to start a new relationship with. But then I kept asking myself, "Am I doing this just to numb the pain? What will happen in the long run? Will I still love the person when the troubles start raining down upon us like hail?? What happens if the other person comes to love me truly and in the end, I don't? Won't I just ruin his life?" Most of all, I asked myself this question: "Am I ready??". Of course, I can't think only of myself. I also have to think of the other party; whether or not I will just end up hurting him. Besides, I promised meself I'll never hurt another by giving up on a relationship. Coz I really think you can always work a relationship out. And then I received this message and all of a sudden, the answer came to me!

The thing is, I have to get myself together and prepare myself. What if such a time comes when I have to choose between two people?? Will I make the RIGHT choice?? Will I be READY to make the right choice?? I can't just be 99% sure or 99.99999999% sure... I have to be 100.0% sure!

Maybe... (OK... there's a 90% probability that this is true... Haha!) Maybe I'm not ready yet. I think maybe God has given me this opportunity to reassess myself, to get my priorities in order, to appreciate the joy of being single in a university filled with sooooo many you-know-what [haha! Mind you, I wasn't single when I started college! So bawal tumingin sa iba. Not that I minded ;) ], to mend the pieces of a broken heart (MY broken heart), and most of all, to learn. To learn how to love myself.

I have changed in such a short time. I learned to do things that I never thought I'd do my entire life (DON'T ask!). I've also learned that things don't always turn out the way we want it to. And most of all, I've accepted myself for who I really am. That's the best part. To those who couldn't accept me for who I am, I just tell them where to go :D I'm not less of a person just bcoz I'm a queer.

And for those people who think that just because I like them I'll give them an extra 3 marks because I corrected their paper, think again. I'm not that kind of person. Gosh... "Di naman malalaman ni sir e..." HALERRR!!! Ano tingin mo sa 'kin?? Alam nyo kung anong sinabe ko? "E ka-ano ba kita?? Bakit ko naman gagawin yun?!? Mamaya ako pa ang ma-deadbol..." E kung sa boyfriend ko nga e di ko kelan man gagawin yun, e sa 'yo pa kaya?! HOY! Biski ganito ako, may mga prinsipio rin ako noh! And that's that! UGH! Feeling ko talaga cheap. Para bang... EWAN! Such an insult to my being...! Hahaha!

Err... OUT OF TOPIC!!! HAHA! Back to the main topic...

So what do YOU think???

oVeR aNd fReaKiNg oUt...

Time for a laugh...

2005-08-14T14:03:00.000+08:00

My friend Alex and I were looking through these pictures in the UST Central Library together on Friday, and were laughing so hard that we were actually in danger of being sent out. Haha! But luckily the one in-charge was a student, so there wasn't really any problem... Enjoy!

FIRST PRIZE:

SECOND PRIZE:

THIRD PRIZE:

CONSOLATION:

oVeR aNd jUsT fReaKiNg oUt...

Gimmick muna!

2005-08-14T05:03:00.000+08:00

The day was such a blast! I woke up at around 1 in the afternoon (that is, August 14, 2005), all the while thinking if Aikzka and I will still be going out.

So I called her but it turns out that she was taking a bath. So yours truly asked her mom to have her call yours truly back. And call me back she did. It turned out that she was going to some workshop which she didn't really wanna go to. So I asked her to meet me at SM San Lazaro's instead. Yep...

She loaded her Sun so we could at least have an idea where to meet. >>FAST FORWARD! So we met! Then we picked a movie. BEWITCHED! EEEK! That movie is sooooooo cute! I loved the way Nicole Kidman twitches her nose! And the jokes are not that bad either. Really enjoyed the movie.

>>FAST FORWARD! Walking out of the cinema, we couldn't believe how fast the time went by! By then it was already half past seven in the evening. I said that the night was still young so we walked around the mall. Really cooL! Aikzka finally got to experience first-hand the Mel she hasn't seen nor heard before (secret na namin yun, db Aikzka? Haha!)

Oops! Nearly forgot... We shopped for some bling-blings. And Aikzka bought a CD as well. Hmm... Having said that, it was at the Odyssey record store that [*secret] happened. Haha! Basta secret natin yan Aikzka... Don't tell anyone. Shhhh! Wawa naman si Aikzka... Ginustong umuwi! Haha!

Well... the day was simply fab. That's all I can say.

oVeR aNd fReAkInG oUt...

Oh... Why? Why do I burden myself??

2005-08-12T11:42:00.000+08:00

Where do people go after death? I've been thinking of this lately. Okay... I know what you're asking... "Contemplating suicide..." Uh-uh! No way...

But the question is... Is there a heaven? Is there a hell? Who goes to which? Even the Roman Catholic Church has admitted that they don't know who goes to heaven and to hell. So where does that leave us, huh? They go on preaching about the end of days and chevers chevers, but still one question remains. Is there life after death?

In the Bible, it's a known fact that there is an afterlife. But the Bible has been doubted ever since the draconian hold of the Church has been loosed by the Reformation and the unevitable dawn of the modern age of science.

And what do I say to all this?

I say... "Yes, I believe that there's a God. So if there is a God, then there definitely is a heaven. If there's a heaven, there's definitely a hell. And if there's God, then there's an Evil One out there. And if there's an evil one out there, there's the presence of sin. But heaven and hell may not be as we think of it to be..."

Who's to say who God judges to an eternity in paradise or an eternity in fiery torment? Who?

But why do I burden myself with all these questions that no one can answer?

And me?

I'm just going to live as the hedonist that I am :D

:: So it is written, so it is done ::

Only Hope

2005-08-11T01:40:00.000+08:00

Only Hope

by Switchfoot

There's a song that's inside of my soul

It's the one that I've tried to write over and over again

I'm awake in the infinite cold

But You sing to me over and over again

So I lay my head back down

And I lift my hands

and pray to be only Yours

I pray to be only Yours

I know now you're my only hope

Sing to me the song of the stars

Of Your galaxy dancing and laughing

and laughing again

When it feels like my dreams are so far

Sing to me of the plans that You have for me over again

And I lay my head back down

And I lift my hands and pray

To be only yours

I pray to be only yours

I know now you're my only hope

I give You my apathy

I'm giving You all of me

I want Your symphony

Singing in all that I am

At the top of my lungs I'm giving it back

So I lay my head back down
And I lift my hands

and pray to be only Yours
I pray to be only Yours
I know now you're my only hope

oVeR aNd oUt...

And the lesson for today is...

2005-08-10T12:31:00.000+08:00

And the lesson for today is...

***1. Don't make promises you can't keep. And don't believe in promises until they are fulfilled.

2. Don't let the word "love" pass your lips if you can't handle it. That is sheer foolishness. Be prepared when you say that, because the other party may take you seriously.

3. Don't plan your whole life with someone. There is no such thing as forever until forever is over.

4. Don't make someone hope. Letting go is painful enough, but with false hope, its pain is intensified a hundred fold.

5. Don't lie. Never lie. If you did care for someone, never lie to them. It makes them feel stupid.

6. Don't think that love can be developed over the telephone. It needs human interaction. Know the person well before committing yourself to him/her.

7. Don't be too eager to fall in love. Take your own sweet time. When you're looking, you won't find one. When you're not, someone comes along your way out of the blue.

***8. A person's heart is not a toy. You can't just leave it after enjoying it. No... when all the magic and "mystery" (hehe!) is gone, that's when the true challenge of love comes in, and that's Making Love Work. Love is easily lost, yes, but it can be found again. Why do you think couples last for 50-60 years?? Love is not just a bed of roses... Hell, NO! It's a real job. But you'll enjoy making it work. And of course, when there's work, there's a reward for your efforts :D

9. Before entering a relationship, be prepared to get hurt. BE VERY PREPARED. It may happen in a month, or a year, or eight years or twenty years. Just be prepared. Or else you won't be able to cope when the walls of harsh reality come crashing on your love-struck head.

(REMEMBER: Love is NOT all lovey-dovey and sweet as honey. It's bittersweet. You have to experience its bitterness to fully appreciate its sweetness, and vice-versa.)

10. Before loving someone, learn to love yourself first. ("That is the greatest love of all"). You can never truly love another if you don't love yourself first. Love is equal. No one is greater and no one is lesser when it comes to love.

But still one question remains...

::~::~::~::~:: What is "love"? ::~::~::~::~::

...oVeR aNd oUt...

Beer on an empty stomach

2005-08-08T06:40:00.000+08:00

Three days ago, on Friday, I went out with a new-found friend to this place called 1611. OK... Hand on heart, it was a really sleazy place. Full of ciggy smoke and loud music. But who cares?!?

Of coz, it was the people you were with that mattered. Anywayzzz... I met some new people. Very interesting people. People whom I liked. People like me but not really like me.

Anywayzzz, let's start from the beginning. My new friend (who told me about the place) messaged me the night before (coz I gave him my number) and told me to come over to the place with him. Why? Well... I guess he wanted to show me how great being a single is.

E nung araw na yun, may PE ako, so nakapunta ako. At kailangan ko rin magbayad ng Prelims dues ko. So ayun. Nagpunta me sa USTe and nagchevers-chevers. Late 1hour nga ako sa PE. HAHA! Hinatid ng father ko kasi nandito pa sya ng time na yun.

E di yun... Nagpunta ako. So nagmeet kami ni new friend. Inintroduce nya ko sa mga friends nya na mega-cooL. Haha! Of course, medyo OP ako at first, pero naka-adjust rin nman.

I was really quite nga e. Di ko kasi alam sasabihin ko. Haha! Tapos, two tables away from us, may tatlong mga lalake na nagiinuman. E may napansin akong isa na tingin ng tingin sa kin. Ha! Lumapit pa nga sa table namin at nanghiram ng lighter. And guess what?? AKO PA ANG PINAGTANONGAN! Halerrr...!!! Nakita nya ba akong nagsisigarilyo?? So... nakitingin sya sa kin, db? Tinitigan ko nga (as in, GLARE, not stare) at di ako umimik. Isa sa mga new-friends ko na lang ang sumagot. Ha! Tapos umalis na lang sya at bumalik ulit para i-soli yung lighter. Nakatingin pa rin sa kin!!! Ano kaya yun?!? Halerrr... sorry na lang sya. Akala nya ba ganun ako kadaling makuha?! At akala nya basta-basta na lang ako sasama sa kanya?? Ano ako, cheap?? HA!

Well... chevers chevers na lang sa kanya. Anywayzzz... I drank half a glass of Red Horse Beer with sugar (I learned that from Jericho) haha! It was cooL! I really don't like the bitter taste. I just wanted to get drunk. Ayun... Even though gusto kong malasing, di puede! Kasi paguwi ko at lasing ako, patay ako sa father ko! So I controlled myself. But before I left, hehe!, I was asked to toss a whole glass of beer, WITHOUT sugar! TOSS, as in drink in ONE go! Haha! Luckily, may natira pang sugar sa baso ko, so ligtas ako! Haha! Pero I was already intoxicated! I was already quite dizzy, y'know? Haha! When I got on the jeep, I was feeling pretty aggressive pa nga e. Ewan ko kung bakit.

When I got home, I immediately asked our maid to make me some coffee. Haha! Pero may topak na naman yung katulong namin, so yun sister ko nalang ang nagtimpla. Pero konte lang yun coffee! Hay... pero around 15-20 minutes later, mas sober na ako. And not only that!!! My clothes (PE uniform and pants) and HAIR were reeking with the smell of ciggy smoke!!! GASP! Luckily, no one, including my dad (WHEW!) noticed. Haha! Then later on we went out to celebrate my birthday with my dad at some chicken restaurant which I thought was mega-classy and mega-expensive pero di naman pala. And then we went to SM Centrepoint (Sta. Mesa) to do some last-minute shopping.

What a REALLY exciting day! Thanx, ******!

oVeR aNd oUt...

Crazy for You

2005-07-30T07:52:00.000+08:00

This song is soooooo nice!! I can't stand Madonna's version, but this song... (whistles) This song is simply the best! 10 thumbs up for this song! Haha...

Crazy for You

by: Sponge Cola

Swaying room as the music starts

Strangers making the most of the dark

Two by two their bodies become one

I see you through the smokey air

Can't you feel the weight of my stare

You're so close but still a world away

What I'm dying to say, is that

Chorus:

I'm crazy for you

Touch me once and you'll know it's true

I never wanted anyone like this

It's all brand new, you'll feel it in my kiss

I'm crazy for you, crazy for you

Trying hard to control my heart

I walk over to where you are

Two by two we need no words at all

Slowly now we begin to move

Every breath I'm deeper into you

Soon we two are standing still in time

If you read my mind, you'll see

Chorus:

I'm crazy for you
Touch me once and you'll know it's true
I never wanted anyone like this
It's all brand new, you'll feel it in my kiss

You'll feel it in my kiss, because...

I'm crazy for you

Touch me once and you'll know it's true

I never wanted anyone like this

It's all brand new, you'll feel it in my kiss
I'm crazy for you

Well you know it's true,
You know I'm crazy for you,
It's all brand new,
You know I'm crazy for you,
Yeah, you know it's true,
I'm crazy, crazy for you
Oooo...
I'm crazy for you...
oVeR aNd oUt...

Hating myself, and then seeing the bright side of things... INSANE!

2005-07-29T15:40:00.000+08:00

Days commemorating our birth into this planet are always celebrated with only joy and delight. There are extremely rare cases when they are celebrated with even a tinge of sorrow.

God... I hate myself! Why did I have to be so miserable in front of my classmates on my 18th birthday?? Why?!? Was I just putting up a drama? Was I just finding ways to make myself miserable? Was I just asking for sympathy? Or was I just plain selfish?

Shit. This is the worst birthday of my life. Not because of my classmates, not because of anyone else. But because of ME.

Waking up and being greeted by my two sweet sisters and then coming to school and being greeted with the sweet, albeit loud, greetings of my classmates was the most heartwarming present anyone could ever give me. God... only if they know how much it meant to me.

And then being given a rosary by someone I hardly knew... God! The day had all the elements of being the greatest day of my life! WHY DID I HAVE TO SPOIL IT ALL?!?

Sorry, sis's and classmates... Really sorry if I made myself really sad today. It's no-one else's fault but mine. Wishing for something that I can never have again. God... I hate myself for making my sisters and classmates concerned about me. Why can't I go through a single day that is not special to me but to other people without being such a spoiler, spoilsport and kill-joy?!?

Never mind... I'll make it up somehow. Hmm... but now that I've come to think of it... The day wasn't all that bad. Aside from a few instances of being miserable and practically making my classmates worried and concerned about me (yep... evil me... bad, bad, BAD meL!!!), I actually had some moments of pure fun! Well... you know... aside from the pleasant shock of being given a rosary by someone I HARDLY know and coming to school with such sweet greetings, there were other instances when I was really happy. Like during our General Assembly... Playing with the balloons, being kicked out of the game at Round 1, getting hugs and kisses from all my angels, having a song dedicated to me... Hehe! It wasn't such a bad day after all! Haha!

Thank God I had the decency to show my appreciation! Haha! Of course noh... Di naman ako ganun ka-tanga at ka-ungrateful noh... Of course I showed my appreciation and gave them the sweetest smile I could muster! Hehe... But it was the times when I allowed myself to become quiet and pensive that I was my worst enemy.

Thanks, you guys!

Next time gimmick na lang tayo sa SM San Lazaro kapag puede na kayong lahat. Gustong-gusto ko talaga mapanood yung "If Only"! Hehe...

oVeR aNd oUt...

(Gosh... This is insanity!!! I'm experiencing mood swings! Shet... Am I on the verge of insanity? Hope not...!)

57 Cents

2005-07-26T16:47:00.000+08:00

Oh my gosh... This story is so touching! I almost burst into tears! haha... Joke! But please read.

57 Cents

A sobbing little girl stood near a small church from which she had been turned away because it "was too crowded."

"I can't go to Sunday School," she sobbed to the pastor as he walked by.

Seeing her shabby, unkempt appearance, the pastor guessed the reason and, taking her by the hand, took her inside and found a place for her in the Sunday school class. The child was so happy that they found room for her, that she went to bed that night thinking of the children who have no place to worship Jesus.

Some two years later, this child lay dead in one of the poor tenement buildings and the parents called for the kindhearted pastor, who had befriended their daughter, to handle the final arrangements. As her poor little body was being moved, a worn and crumpled purse was found which seemed to have been rummaged from some trash dump. Inside was found 57 cents and a note scribbled in childish handwriting which read, "This is to help build the little church bigger so more children can go to Sunday School."

For two years she had saved for this offering of love.

When the pastor tearfully read that note, he knew instantly what he would do. Carrying this note and the cracked, red pocketbook to the pulpit, he told the story of her unselfish love and devotion. He challenged his deacons to get busy and raise enough money for the larger building.

But the story does not end there! A newspaper learned of the story and published it. It was read by a Realtor who offered them a parcel of land worth many thousands. When told that the church could not pay so much, he offered it for 57 cents.

Church members made large donations. Cheques came from far and wide. Within five years the little girl's gift had increased to $250,000.00--a huge sum for that time (near the turn of the century!). Her unselfish love had paid large dividend.

When you are in the city of Philadelphia, look up Temple Baptist Church, with a seating capacity of 3,300 and Temple University, where hundreds of students are trained. Have a look, too, at the Good Samaritan Hospital and at a Sunday School building which houses hundreds of Sunday Schoolers, so that no child in the area will ever need to be left outside during Sunday school time.

In one of the rooms of this building may be seen the picture of the sweet face of the little girl whose 57 cents, so sacrificially saved, made such remarkable history. Alongside of it is a portrait of the kind pastor, Dr.Russell H. Conwell, author of the book, "Acres of Diamonds".

A true story, which goes to show WHAT GOD CAN DO WITH 57 cents.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean NOT on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and He'll make your paths straight.

- Proverbs 3:28

Politics and Crushes.

2005-07-22T18:15:00.000+08:00

Part I: POLITICS

Wow... I didn't know that the policy implemented just recently would have such a large impact on us AB students! It kind of takes away our rights to practise liberalism, since (halerrr!) we ARE liberal arts students. Of course, we fear what's going to be next. Prohibit us from dyeing our hair? (NO WAY!! Not when I'm planning to highlight my hair blue :p HAHA!) And not only that. If the students do not voice out their displeasure regarding this new policy, it would be a great burden to us freshmen, and the following batches.

So we really hope we can amend or abolish this policy.

Part II: CRUSHES

Err... why am I feeling like this again? When I promised myself to safeguard my heart against pain and hurt anymore. Tsk tsk tsk... Well... It's just that I passed my crush a quotation or forwarded message just now. And I really think the person read it and thought twice about me, coz when I saw the person just now, they waved at me and called out my name! And it seems that they were waiting for me. Shet... I felt really high then. Haha!

But then I got so absorbed into a conversation with other members of the political party and I couldn't talk to the person. The person seemed quite disappointed (or so it looked like) but I texted them right away. I would REALLY like to know the person better, coz I think the person's feeling what I felt not quite so long ago...

oVeR aNd oUt...

Shet... (in Tagalog)

2005-07-22T16:58:00.000+08:00

OMG... ang dami palang mga tao sa uni ko... as in ang rami talaga. Di ko sila napapansin kasi naman, mga mata ko nuon e para lang sa isang tao (don't ask). So medyo nanibago ako.

Errr... May nakilala akong tao na sa tingin ko ay mabait naman. At di lang yun; super alam-mo-na (kung di mo ma-gets, may itsura. Duh... bagal ng Pentium mo). Haha!

Di ko alam talaga kung pano ko sya maaakit. Tsk tsk tsk... pero lately may problema sya. Nung nakita ko nga sya kanina e mukhang problemadong-problemado sya. Wawa naman sya :'( Pero nagawa nya pa akong i-remind tungkol sa weekly gathering namin ng political party na sinalihan ko. Bait talaga :p Yun nga lang, nagsisigarilyo. Pero OK lang yun. Puede ko naman syang pahintoin pagnaging kami (I wish! As in talaga!) Haha!

Hiningi ko number nya at tinext ko sya, pero di pa sya nagrereply (Bummer!). Pero sinabe nya naman the next day kung anong reason kung bakit di sya nag-text back. Kasi daw wala syang load (sayang!). At least sinave nya number ko no. Haha!

Sigh... nare-remind ako sa isa kong nakilala sa Net kakailan lang. Nag-meet kami sa Cafe Dapits pero parang di nya ata nagustohan ang nakita nya (may itsura rin ha. Sabe rin yun ng mga classmates ko ng makita namin sya sa Jollibee later on). So yun... di nya na ako tinext after that. Sayang... Mukha naman matino. Pero whatever talaga ha... I don't like people na nakukuha lang sa itsura. Marami pa naman dyang iba. Haha! Humanda kayo sa akin! MWAHAHAHAHA!

I LOVE BEING SINGLE TALAGA! (And sabe ng close friend kong si KC, samantalahin ko na no. Hmmm... teka lang... single ako sa birthday ko! Haha!) :p

Punta na ako dun sa weekly gathering ng political party ko... oMg... i'm all nervous all of a sudden! (I'm the library btw... so yeah...)

oVeR aNd oUt...

OMG... one of the most stupid days of my life!

2005-07-22T16:32:00.000+08:00

Haha! On the Melaseron1987 Stupid Day Scale, this day has attained a 9.3! Haha... Wanna hear how my day went?

WELL...! I woke up at around 4 am to-day, to study for my CWG (Contemporary World Geography) recitation. Pages 14 to 61. I couldn't concentrate (so what else is new, meL?!) due to the It's-So-Early-In-The-Morning-I'm-Still-Sleepy-Why-Didn't-I-Study-The-Bloody-Handout-Earlier Syndrome as well as the Oh-Why-Did-You-Return-The-CD's-It's-Because-There's-No-More-Us Issue (DON'T ASK!)

Anyway... so I took a bath and got ready for school. OK... as you can see, it all seemed OK. But then... what the heck?!? When I was already on the jeep (Tayuman) and was already quite some distance away from my house already, I suddenly remembered that I had PE today and that my uniform was still hanging in my room, laughing at its owner for being the dumb-ass he is. So, I signalled for the jeep to stop and got off (I know what you're thinkin'... and yes, the other passengers were looking at the UST student who suddenly got off in the middle of nowhere. Mega-embarrasing!)

And then, since it was quite a long way off, I had to take another jeep!!! So, I signalled a jeep. AND the dumbest thing was, I didn't even see if it was the right jeep! ARGH!!!! And so when the jeep stopped, I had to pretend I didn't halt it. But what's more stupid is that, later on, I realized that the jeep I halted was going the same way as the jeep I was going to take. Chalk up 2 more points to stupidity! Haha!

Finally, I got on a jeep and paid the fare (P5.00), got off, walked some distance to my house and got my PE uniform as well as my water bottle. Sigh...

WAIT!!! There's more!!

When I got to school, I found my classmates all reviewing feverishly. Of course, I felt kinda out-of-place (or OP here in the Phils... haha! I'm learning! :p) coz (Halerrr!) I didn't study! So when our prof came and took our attendance, we were all quite jumpy. And then, he announced that we didn't have recitation! HAHA! If only he knew that I didn't study! HAHA! But I really pity my classmates who studied. But look on the bright side! We'll have more time to study! HAHA!

oVeR aNd oUt...

Nobody's home

2005-07-17T21:42:00.000+08:00

At one point in time, I thought this song was for me. But when someone I know told me one of the saddest stories I’ve ever heard, I realized that this song was more suitable for her than it was for me. And I’m not the only one who thinks so, for when first she heard this song, she started singing along every time I played it, and has requested me to play it on several occasions. It didn’t take me long to realize that she could relate to the song, and that’s why she likes the song so much.

Her story was indeed a sorrowful, if not depressing, one. She had to bear the pain of a broken family at a very young age, the abuse of the wife of her uncle (in whose care she was entrusted to during most of her childhood) and cousins, siblings who regard her as a source of cell phone credit and expect her to take care a mother left dumb after their father left them (she did take care of her mother, all by herself, for a long time. But don’t you think it’s her siblings’ turn now?), the bad influence of a group she once was a member in (which resulted in a failed attempt at a good education). And the worst thing is, she never felt the warmth and joy of her own family. In short, she has no home to return to.

*She didn’t commit mistakes wantonly; she committed them because she had no one to guide her. She didn’t leave anything because she wanted to; she was forced to do so. Everything that happened to her didn’t happen as a result of her own doing, they happened because fate has been unkind to her.

Anything bad that has happened to me could never compare to what she has experienced. She had to suffer servitude at a young age. She had no idea who her real siblings were until much later on. She didn’t a family she could turn to in times of great need. Upon hearing her tale, I felt so sheltered and spoiled and only then did I realize that I have taken my family for granted. I also realized that no matter how bad things seem to be, there’s always someone out there who’s experiencing an even worse fate.

I finally understood why she sometimes looked so distant, why she had this far-away look in her eyes, why she suddenly switched from her usual bubbly and outgoing self to being a moody and silent loner.

From all this, I learned much. Hearing her story has taught me more than most of the lessons I learned in school. She inspired me not to let any problem, no matter how big, bring me down.

The saddest part of this is that she’s only a month older than me and yet she has already experienced so much tribulation.

Dear girl, I hope you found comfort and solace in our home. We hope we are giving you the love you never felt from your siblings, and from a family you never had. We hope you’ve finally found a home, a home you would never have to return to and find nobody.

Nobody’s home
by Avril Lavigne
I couldn’t tell you
Why she felt that way
and felt it everyday
And I couldn’t help her
I just watched her
make the same mistakes again

What’s wrong what’s wrong now
Too many too many problems
Don’t know where she belongs
Where she belongs

Chorus (the most appropriate part of the song)
She wants to go home
But nobody’s home
That’s where she lies
Broken inside
With no place to go
No place to go
To dry her eyes
Broken inside

*Open your eyes
And look outside
Find the reasons why
You’ve been rejected
Now you can’t find
What you’ve left behind

Be strong be strong now
Too many too many problems
Don’t know where she belongs
Where she belongs…

(Chorus)
She wants to go home
But nobody’s home
That’s where she lies
Broken inside
With no place to go
No place to go
To dry her eyes
Broken inside

Her feelings she hides
Her dreams she can’t find
She’s losing her mind
She’s falling behind
She can’t find her place
She’s losing her faith
She’s falling from grace
She’s all over the place… yeah…

She wants to go home
But nobody’s home
That’s where she lies
Broken inside
With no place to go
No place to go
To dry her eyes
Broken inside

With no place to go
No place to go
To dry her eyes
Broken inside

And she’s lost inside, lost inside
And she’s lost inside, lost inside...

oVeR aNd oUt…

May kuryente na!

2005-07-16T19:08:00.000+08:00

As I was walking back home from a smoky journey by jeep yesterday (Friday… shet! I’m still getting used to having normal classes on Fridays and having Saturdays off), I noticed that there was a truck belonging to the electrical company. They appeared to be fixing the post right outside my place (I looked at the electrical post and I shuddered involuntarily, for it was really messy, with wires criss-crossing all over the place! Well… I think I don’t need to say what I really think about the messy wires...)

The strangest thing is that there were soldiers with assault rifles around the place while the truck was there. Hmm… I’m not sure of the purpose of them being in my neighbourhood at that time, and I’m not about to waste my time guessing.

The funniest thing is that the hand-outs which my CWG was supposed to give weren’t distributed at all! So… I don’t have to study them at all! At least, not yet. And not by candlelight. Haha…!

oVeR aNd oUt…

Nag-igib ng tubig

2005-07-14T13:06:00.000+08:00

On the night of the 11th, Monday, my whole street experienced a black-out. Thinkin' It would only be temporarily, I went to school the next day feeling just fine. The living nightmare began when I came back home only to find out that there was still no electricity! (I swear... we DO NOT tap into other people's connection. The bloody transformer just blew up. Or so they say...)

And so, we had to resort to candles as a source of illumination. They say that the electricity won't be back until the end of the week (ARGHHH!!!) The really bad side of this is that we don't have water. No electricity, no water. So what does the company supplying us electricity expect us to do?? Reuse the water we used for the most basic sanitary needs over and over again?? HELLO!!!! GIVE ME A BLOODY BREAK HERE!!! They go and raise the bills just so "they could serve us better". "Better"?!? Screw them...

Anyway, we had to resort to drastic measures just so we could get the water we needed for our most basic sanitary needs. Sooooooo.... we had to draw water from a make-shift "well". Not that I'm complaining... It was a really good experience, y'know?? Way cool, actually! :D

But the really down side of this is I can't go online till this catastrophe is amended. Tsk tsk... And not only that! Our CWG professor will be distributing this hand-out on Friday which we have to study for a quiz on Monday. So how am I supposed to study, huh?!? Well... we Filipinos are famous for being really resourceful, especially when the occasion calls for it. What I'm gonna do is I'm gonna study by candlelight just like what my beloved mom used to do when she was still studying. A little challenge every now and then is really good for us, y'know?!

I don't care what it takes, but I'm gonna score a high one for my CWG quiz on Monday, if I have to study with candlelight as my source of illumination! YEAH!!! Score one for Filipino resourcefulness, ingeniuty and diligence!!! YAY!!!

oVeR aNd oUt...

Reminiscing the carefree times...

2005-07-09T22:30:00.000+08:00

Hay… was listenin’ to my old CD’s just now, namely Avril Lavigne’s album Let Go. I actually neglected that CD, the CD which gave me soooo much comfort. That was the CD I used to listen to when I was in Form 4, when I discovered Avril. Gosh… I miss Form 4! That no-worry, no-GCE (bloody GCE ‘O’Levels! Luckily I don’t have to take A’Levels! Haha!), no-Form 5-graduation-exam jitters. Form 4… my FAVOURITE year in all my schooling years in Chung Hwa. Sigh… that was when life was sooooo carefree, back when there were no study groups, no revisions and no worries about school life (ok… I’m kinda lyin here… of coz there was! But not that much compared to Form 5!) when I could listen to Avril’s I’m With You at the back of the class where I used to sit with my best pal Kae Jye. Sigh… I sure miss all the times we used to share jokes and laugh ourselves silly with dirty jokes, drawing dirty comics on my small notebook and on the pad of pink paper of my sister’s way back from 1996 (or 1997, watever…). That was the time I was the wildest, when I was the one of the clowns of my class. That was also the year when I met and got close to my close pal and opposite-door neighbour May Xhien. Gosh! How I miss walking back home with her, chattin about all the things under the sun, performing with her in my school’s Chinese Orchestra (I was an erhu player and she was a pipa player) and being excused from classes to attend our orchestra rehearsals for big performances (giggling at our good fortune as we went out and the bad fortune of our classmates, getting stuck in class). GOSH!!! I miss those times! That was the also year I started listenin to Chinese songs like Fen Shou Kuai Le (which Kae Jye and I “modified” to make it more “entertaining” and more “heartfelt” hehe..!) I also miss talking about the most terrible teachers, the best teachers, school “politics”, etc. I miss computer classes, when we would go to the lab, do a little something, then surf the net while listenin to my CD. But I don’t really miss PE, coz I sucked in PE, BIG time. Oh yeah… Taekwondo. Shet… I MISS THOSE TIMES!!!! ARGHHH!!! Yep… that was the year I joined our school taekwondo team. Tuesdays and Thursdays, 3-5pm. I miss getting into my uniform, walkin around in white pants and a white t-shirt (or else a black one) from my flat (w/c was a teachers’ flat) to Pusat Belia (or Youth Centre), and looking REALLY kick-ass!!! Hahahaha! I could almost hear ppl thinking “omg! Better not mess around with him… he’s into taekwondo…” haha… sigh… I miss the training, my coach’s really loud voice, falling down after attempting a jumping turning kick, the kicks, the punches, being the guinea pig of my taekwondo coach’s demos, and drinking water after training, and then it tastes REALLY good. Then goin back home, finding myself alone, seein the sky right outside my verandah dark with storm clouds (my FAVOURITE weather… stormy. When I could just make myself a really cold mug of milo or coffee, and then lie down and read a really good book, feelin really sheltered and safe) then puttin’ on my Avril Lavigne Let Go CD, crankin it up WAY loud (my parents and bro were out, remember? So no one tells me to turn down the volume) so my neighbour and close pal May Xhien hears it too (share and share alike, y’knw wat I’m sayin’?!)

There’s also Sunday school, where my good friend Hannah and I used to be catechists, teaching screaming, crying, giggling, inattentive, and restless Primary 1 kids. Miss the innocent cries of “Teacher Mel, she said she don’t want to friend me anymore”, “Teacher Mel, toilet!” Miss takin the kids to the CR, askin them to queue up and when it’s time to go back to class, seeing them run and shout when you told them specifically NOT to do just that! Sigh… Miss telling the kids stories, hearin them laugh, hearin them call me “Teacher Mel”, teachin them to make the sign of the cross (“No, John… use your RIGHT hand”), seein their childish drawings, and occasionally, acceptin’ a piece of drawing or a candy from them. Sigh…

And also church… leading the novena, bein’ a lector, and goin to church with my hair shocking red (was that in Form 5? I forgot.) Goin’ to Sunset Mass (Saturday, 6:30pm). Not to mention violin lessons, the fear of bein’ scolded and asked to go home by my violin instructor and National Day practice/rehearsals (don’t ask! With the costume, the props and looking rather silly).

Ahh… I also miss that year coz that year (and the subsequent one) was free of heartache. Gosh… only now do I appreciate how lucky I was and how sheltered my life was back then, free from worries except tests, nasty teachers, exams, performances, rehearsals, competitions, etc. I remember thinking back then “Sigh… I want to fall in love now!” If ONLY I knew. Well… I can’t say I didn’t savour those times, coz even though I took ‘em for granted, I lived them to the fullest! So I’m lucky I have something to turn back to when I’m in pain, etc. So back to listenin to I’m With You, the song which made me “fall in love” with Avril Lavigne (nyaks! Sickening, I knw, right???)

Omg… Wherever You Will Go is playin! Shet… that song was also a soundtrack/background music/etc of Form 4! Xhien and I thought it was by Nickelback. Sigh… I used to play that song repetitively, over and over again, side by side I’m With You. Sigh…

oVeR aNd oUt...

Welcome to my blog...

2005-07-08T10:00:00.000+08:00

Welcome to my blog...

Blah, blah and blah...

2005-07-08T09:04:00.000+08:00

Yo peeps! just tryin out my new blog... hope it works! :)